Gold medal limbs

It's time once again for Stuff Out of Context! Today's line is:
My leg is superior to your pony.

And also the dog, it would seem

We're dropping like flies

Today's post starts with news that we're very thrilled about, though we've had to keep it under our hats for some time now. The Hutt is leaving.
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Did you get that?
The Hutt is leaving!

We're likely to talk about that a great deal more before the Hutt's actual last day. The reason we bring it up now is that it's part of an interesting trend. 

We're running through employees like water. 

Tartarus has a pretty small staff and in the last ten years we've had more than twice as many people quit than are actually employed there (so if the staff of Tartarus were 20, we'd have had more than 40 quit). And something like 80% of those were within the 6 years that the Hutt has been in charge. In two years, the Hutt has had 4 personal assistants. None of those people has lasted more than 4 months. One lasted a week. We had two people leave Tartarus in two days. 2 days! Yet our board thinks everything is fine. We think they have a screw loose.

All about turtles

Did you know that today is World Turtle Day? No doubt, the intent of this day is to encourage turtle conservation. A noble cause of course, but if you've followed this blog much you know that Turtle means something entirely different to us.

something like this

Tragically, this likely marks the end of our Turtle posts. The Turtle no longer works for Tartarus! (More on that Tuesday). This shocking news comes at a most inopportune time. We had a whole slew of ideas about the Turtle, not the least of which was the fact that Turtle and Zebra have been dating. We planned to market their progeny as a disturbing new pet.

behold the almighty zurtle

Instead we are taking this opportunity to say goodbye and good riddance to the turtle. May you sicken someone else for a change.

If Gandhi had been a bird...

It's time once again for Stuff Out of Context! Today's line is:
Stupid pacifist pigeons.
 

Are we the only ones who wonder what the warmonger pigeons would look like?

Twelve months of June

Today we overheard the following interchange:

Patron: Do you have a calendar?

Zebra: Do you mean a calendar that has different months in it?

Do they make them with the same month repeating?

It's Mo Monday!

We've seen Mo pair up with a lot of strange characters but this is probably one of the more disturbing. We don't know where he found this odd fellow. All we know is that their plan to form a dance crew gives us nightmares.

You should see the other guy

It's time once again for Stuff Out of Context! Today's line is:
There are lots of cheese beatings.

Is the simplest solution really the best?

Among Tartarus regulars there is a lady we call Age Appropriate Lady (AAL for short). She is so called because she's forever asking for books, movies, etc. that are age appropriate for her baby (example: 'Do you have any funny books that would be appropriate for my six month old?' 'Do you have a movie like Harry Potter that would be appropriate for my six month old?') In addition to the baby, AAL comes in with a man. Her boyfriend maybe? We call him Age Appropriate Baby Daddy (AABD).

All of that is to set the scene for the following conversation between Spoof and Speck.

Speck: I just saw AABD. That guy is a total pot-head. I walked by and smelled what could only be described as burning skunk.

Spoof: You could also describe it as pot.

Speck: Yes, I suppose you could describe pot-scent as pot.

Or maybe he likes to set skunks on fire

It's Mo Monday!

After observing a pair of friends, Mo has been on a quest for his spiritual double. Somewhere he heard about the murder goose and has decided they are destined to be best friends. He spied this little duck statue at a thrift shop and it took a great deal to convince him it wasn't alive. (Though we have to admit that it's solid white eyes are pretty terrifying)
 

Who's responsible for this?

It's time once again for Stuff Out of Context! Today's line is:
Don't leave your poop at Tartarus.

And who keeps their poop in a bag?

 

Grapey Updatey

It's been a while since we've done one of these. Actually, our coworkers have been doing a decent job of keeping the staff refrigerator clean lately. It seems a few things have slipped through the cracks lately and we've got our eye on them.

A handful of loose, shriveled grapes. There is also a bag of grapes that have mold potential

We hope no one is planning to eat this nasty apple

Grrr-apey doesn't like the looks of it

It's Mo Monday!

Lest you think Mo is just a mindless killing machine, we thought we'd share a more sensitive story. We found Mo entranced by this jukebox the other day. He wanted to try all of the different songs. While we felt somewhat endangered by his rage over our refusal to provide the requisite quarters, we take this story as proof of the old adage that music soothes the savage beast.

Wonder what song he'll pick?