Captain Contagious

Every work place has one. This person is constantly sick. If a bug goes around, the Captain catches it. No matter how sick he gets, the Captain never stays home. Our Captain currently sounds like he has an entire country of those Mucinex guys living in his lungs, yet he still works every day.

It's a serious mucus party

Captain Contagious also seems to have a mortal fear of all cold medicines, cough drops, facial tissue, and hand sanitizer.

Substitute the club with a tissue and a sneeze in place of that awesome call