Are you carrying roadkill?

Working with the public, we see all kinds of crazies. Nothing beats the fellow we saw today, though. Imagine this.

Firstly, the guy was built like Moe from the Simpsons. Skinny, kind of hunched over.

Like this

His hair was scraggly and he had no teeth. He wore a beat-up, fake leather jacket and a pair of paint-spattered pants that he had cuffed into capris.

They were somehow even less sylish and attractive than these

And he seemed to be carrying a plush racoon as a purse.

Just give this guy a strap, apparently.

As if he wasn't weird enough just by appearance, this is what he said over the course of about 3 minutes.
"I'm a trust-fund baby."

"My husband took away all of my quarters."


We are perplexed.