It's Mo Monday!

When we found this unusual caution sign, Mo immediately decided that he must own it. At first, he wanted it as his new mode of transportation. Like his own personal valet.

Onward Carlisle!

By the time we dragged him away, though, he had changed his mind. The sign was to be the second member in his Beatles cover band. Mostly, we suspect, so he could recreate the Abbey Road album cover.

Did you just say that?

The stupidity and borderline (or sometimes blatant) rudeness continues. Here are three more things we've heard one of our coworkers say aloud that you really can't say to people. Again, all three of these statements came from the same coworker.

1. Your card just hates you.

2. How about you just pick a spot already? (imagine a rather snappy tone on this one)

3. Do you have a medical marijuana card?

How do you respond to any of that?

It's Mo Monday!

Have you ever been in a park and stumbled across someone giving a speech? Sometimes political, sometimes political, sometimes just nonsense. These orators pop up from time to time. We saw the worst possible variation on the park speech-maker this weekend. Mo assured us that the carved face behind him lent his words voracity. We didn't stick around long enough to see how his talk was recieved.
 

The price we pay for streak-free shine

It's time once again for Stuff Out of Context. Today's line is:
You would have to keep cleaning it, just like rowing a boat. 

Seems like an awkward way to wash a window

Are you also confused by up and down?

Our summer staff is leaving soon, so this is likely to be the last story about them for the year (no promises though). For once, its a summer person who comes out of the conversation sounding like a normal sane person. The idiot is a familiar character here on the Death Stare - Zebra.

Said the Zebra, "Are you closing our shades?"

"No," said Fanta, "I'm opening them."

Zebra looked puzzled. "Oh, were they closed?"


WHY ELSE WOULD YOU OPEN THEM?! HOW CAN YOU OPEN A SHADE THAT ISN'T CLOSED?! WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE ZEBRA?!

A handy guide for your convenience

It's time once again for Stuff Out of Context! Today's line is:
Don't wipe your butt with a horse.

No word on whether llamas are acceptable for wiping

It's Mo Monday!

In a neighboring town this weekend we saw this little wooden train bench. We couldn't convince Mo that it wasn't a functional train. He sat there for a good ten minutes making "choo-choo" noises and calling out the stops. And talking about all of the "helpless maidens" likely tied to the tracks that he was gleefully running over.
 

Mo, the most terrifying conductor.

That looks totally natural

We had a staff meeting this week with our recently named interim director. Let's call her Mineola. The meeting was not going well so there weren't many happy faces. Then this interchange happened.

Mineola: Smile, Speck. It's not so bad.

Speck:

Mineola: You look like Sheldon Cooper.

Speck:

This seemed to be exactly what Mineola wanted. Apparently a mad fake smile is better than a natural, neutral expression. Apparently, Tartarus employees must be "happy" all of the time.

ideal Tartarus employees

How did the brains get in there?

It's time once again for Stuff Out of Context! Today's line is:
How many brains can shoot out of your lungs?

8 as long as they're mini, it seems.

 

It's Mo Monday!

We finally had enough of all of Mo's shenanigans. We locked him in a cell and intended to leave in there indefinitely. Then we looked back and saw him moping, leaning against the bars and looking sad. No one with a heart could have left him there. Of course, not ten minutes later he attempted to eat our feet but what else can you expect from a homicidal maniac.
 

We defy you to turn down such a sad face.

There's these things called manners

We bring to you today a conversation overheard between Plague and a patron we'll call Ketchup-Mustard. 

Ketchup-Mustard: Plauge, do you know where the Oz Herald office is on main street?

Plague: Not off hand.

Ketchup-Mustard: Oh. Okay.

Now, any sane person would have ended the conversation here. The patron, while not satisfied, has had her question answered. Of course, we're talking about Plague, here, who is in no way a normal sane person.

Plague: I don't even know where the Oz Herald office is in Oz. How about that. 

Plague, talking to people like that is not okay.

 

Do people throw breadcrumbs after?

It's time once again for Stuff Out of Context! Today's line is:
We were watching the ducks get married.
 

What a lovely couple

It's Mo Monday!

We've finally been having real summer weather here around Tartarus. The kids have been out in force, selling lemonade on the side of the road (we were as surprised as you to discover that they still do that.) Seeing money changing hands, Mo was intrigued. He sees lemonade as a path to getting funding for his plot to take over the world. We see it as a way to keep him occupied and in one place for a full day.
 

Not sure we'd drink his lemonade though.