Is nothing sacred?

We've seen Mo at a cafe, stalking parade goers, even hiding in a Pepsi machine. Today's sitting really takes the cake. Speck went to put on a hat today, a favorite hat mind you, and saw this:

Seriously Mo, you're not even hiding.

Says Speck "He didn't even pretend to be friendly. Look at him sneering at me." 

So, be warned. When Mo is gunning for you nothing will stop him.

Muffins rule the world

We try to be reasonable, understanding people. We try not to judge our coworkers without knowing the complete story. Sometimes, though, there is no reasonable explanation. Take today for instance.

When we went into Tartarus this morning, we were startled to find our workspace a disaster zone. The Mosquito, who was the last to use the space last night, not only did not do any of the assigned work (filing and what not) but apparently spent the evening cutting things out of paper for some unexplained reason (we suspect it was for a bulletin board display, though the Mosquito wouldn't tell us). We wouldn't care so much about this if the cutting mess had been cleaned up. But no, there were paper scraps all over the place.

"Spoof and Speck," you are saying, "why does this matter? What's a few paper scraps between friends?"
 

Just hug it out, right?

First off, we remind you that Mosquito is not our friend. The friendship ship has long since sailed and probably sunk like the Titanic. Secondly, y'all don't know this but we are on scissor probation. Yes, you read that right. We had our scissors taken away for almost a year. The Hutt said we made too much of a mess when we cut things and we were only allowed to cut where the public could not see us. The scissors were returned provisionally this spring, with the warning that if we ever left a mess we would lose our scissors again, permanently this time. 

Sure enough, before we could get the mess under control, along came the Hutt with a scowl. "What is all this? How could you make a mess already?"

"Uh, we didn't," said Spoof. "The Mosquito did this last night."

Just like that, the scowl vanished, replaced by the Hutt's super creepy smile.

Yeah, it's kind of like that.

"Oh, that's okay then," the Hutt said.
 
We wanted to scream. Instead, we complained to Shoes, hoping someone would back us up. What were we thinking? Shoes acted like we were crazy and unreasonable.

We can only conclude that everything the Mosquito does, no matter how wrong, is right. We are so sick of it. 

Substitute "Mosquito" for "Charlie Brown" and that's pretty much our feelings

Are you in there, Hutt?

In case you weren't 100% clear on the Hutt's unfitness (is that even a word? It feels like it should be a word) as a boss, check out today's Hutt interaction.

This is definitely what it feels like when the boss corners you.

A gentleman came into Tartarus, approached Spoof, and asked to see our boss. The guy didn't look like a violent psychopath but you never know, so Spoof asked what he wanted. When he identified himself as the purveyor of a new product, Spoof dialed up to the office. When the Hutt picked up, this was the conversation that followed.

     Spoof: Hutt, I've got a gentleman here who'd like to talk to you about a product.

     Hutt: -silence-

     Spoof: Hutt? Should I send him up?

     Hutt: -sigh- What does he want?

     Spoof: -blinks- Um, he wants to talk to you. About a product.

     Hutt: -heavier sigh- Send him up I guess.
 

So, what we're wondering is this: Was the Hutt just not listening? Or hoping that the guy would get fed up and walk away, thus meaning that the Hutt didn't have to deal with him?

Or maybe just sitting there nose-picking

 
     

     

Even we can't explain this one

It's time again for one of our favorite features. That's right, it's Stuff Out of Context!

Our line today: I crapped my pants.

Honestly, we don't even remember the context for this one. We would like to assure you, though, that neither Spoof nor Speck has done any pants crapping since early childhood.

Really, this one speaks for itself.

 

Of course. That makes so much sense.

Our story today actually does not take place in Tartarus. It's about Shoes. 

Shoes is married. We know what you're thinking: Who in their right mind would marry that loon? Shoes' significant other is called Squirrel. 

What a lovely couple!

Squirrel worked, until just recently, in a big box store. The other day Shoes came in looking a little concerned and confided in us. Squirrel got fired.

"Oh no," we said, "what happened?"

"Well," said Shoes, "just like me, Squirrel is a very good worker. The others at the store were very jealous and complained to the corporate office. They decided the only solution was to fire Squirrel."

 

Are you serious right now?

There are so many problems with that explanation. Let's number them, shall we?
     1. Shoes is not a good worker. Shoes in an annoying, inept, useless worker.
     2. You have to massively screw up to get fired from a big box store. Seriously, morons work there. 
     3. No one thinks it is good business practice to fire good workers, regardless of how others feel about them. It's common sense.
     4. If they did fire Squirrel for being "too good" that's not something you just accept. You get upset. You make a scene. You demand to speak to your corporate office. 

We'd keep going, but we might run out of fingers.

So, this leads us to a couple of conclusions. Either Shoes and Squirrel are completely delusional or they are lying to everyone.    

The squirrel in his natural habitat

We shouldn't be surprised to see Rabid Mo up in a tree. This is, after all, where one normally finds squirrels. 

This is quite possibly the most normal place we've ever seen him.

 Still, seeing him at all is unnerving. Especially when he follows you around the tree.

He looks like he's about to pounce.

 

We definitely got tricked

Did kids come trick-or-treat where you work yesterday? They came to Tartarus. Over the course of two hours we had over a hundred little monsters, video game characters, animals, and princesses troop up to our front desk. 

They were almost this cute.

 
In the morning we made a plan. For the first hour, Opie would handle the trick-or-treaters. Then Speck would take the second hour. The treats were all laid out. All Opie had to do was hand them out and keep the tally of kids. Easy right?

Apparently not. Ten minutes into the first hour we got a call in our workroom. "We need one of you to come handle the treats." 

"Where's Opie," Speck said.

"Opie's doing something more important. One of you needs to come."

"I'll be a few minutes," Speck said. "I have to clean up a mess here."

"Well, can Spoof come?" 

"Spoof is dealing with a group, remember? They'll be here for an hour. We told you this morning," said Speck.

"Oh. Okay. Just hurry."

This is the scene we expected to see.

So we have a couple of problems with this scenario. 
     1. When Speck got to the desk, there were maybe two kids around. 
     2. The important thing that Opie was doing, was fiddling with a computer. There were three other people at the desk. Any of them could have done it.
     3. How was it that no one else could deal with the trick-or-treaters? All you have to do is tell them what we have for treats. It's pretty much the world's easiest job.
     4. In what remained of that first hour, we had about twenty kids come in. We didn't get the big rushes until the second hour when they were gone anyway.
     5. What Speck was doing was kind of important and sort of time sensitive. They didn't even think about that.
     6. Why doesn't anyone ever remember what Spoof says? 

Curse you, all. How you infuriate us.