How dare they

In the time that we've been blogging here, we've raged about a lot of stupid stuff that has happened at Tartarus. What happened today, though, might just take the prize.

First, a little bit of background. This winter all Tartarus employees were "challenged" to all take this voluntary certification. It's a two year program. The Hutt asked us all to get it done by summer. Nonsense, right? The thing is, most of our coworkers were frothing at the mouth to get it done. They used all of their time away from the desk and most of their personal time to take these foolish online classes. Personally, we think there are better uses of our time. Our coworkers, on the other hand, are insanely proud of their stupid certificates.

So, today, Speck got cornered by the Hutt in the morning. "We need you to takes some photos at 4," the Hutt said. That's it. No "did you have anything you needed to do then" or even an explanation of what the photos should be. 

Personally, we thought the flower gardens were worth a photograph or two

Meanwhile, Spoof was told absolutely nothing about the photographs. 

Fast forward to 4 o'clock. Speck was dealing with a clogged toilet situation. All of our co-workers disappeared, leaving Spoof to deal with the desk entirely alone. No one said anything to Speck. No "hey, it's 4." They sat there, posed with their certificates, and waited. Then acted annoyed when Speck did make it over to take the moronic photo.

Lest you think we are overreacting, know that this was on top of a day filled with annoyances and inconsiderate acts. To top it off, when it became clear that we were unhappy with what had transpired we got 1) the explanation that Shoes and the Hutt hadn't decided to take this photo. It was Ernie's idea. (We said if they knew it was wrong to exclude us they should have said they would wait) and 2) the hollow resolution that there would be another photo taken when we get our certification. Neither of which offsets what they did today.

The rage is building

 

No frontsies, no backsies

This story happened a few weeks ago but it is so ridiculous that we keep telling it and it never gets old.

We were at a conference. After our morning sessions we made our way back to the main room for lunch. We got there a little early so things weren't set up yet. A line quickly formed. For once, we were actually towards the start of the line. 

Winners!

Now, we go to this conference every year. And every year, while waiting in line for the lunch buffet, we gripe about the huge number of people who cut in the line. We thought maybe because we were toward the front, we wouldn't notice as much cutting this year. 

Not so.

As we waited for the doors to open a couple of ladies pushed past us. "We're not cutting," they said as they shoved their way to the front, "we're just going to stand up here towards the front." And how is that not cutting?

The whole thing was so ridiculous that we kept repeating it. Ad nauseum. Until the guy who was legitimately standing in front of us turned around and laughed.

Life is weird. Might as well laugh.

Look out below!

How long will they play along?

If you recall, last week we told you about our new coworker Bueller. (Here's the link if you missed it) We suspected that we'd have more stories of "illness" from Bueller. Sure enough, today we heard a doozie.

Bueller left a message on the voice mail this morning. This is a direct quote, near as we can recall. "I can't come in right away this morning. I'm going to the doctor because I'm still getting the sicks, really bad. I might be in after the doctor or I might be late or I might not be in or I might just be late."

The sicks?

We just can't figure that one out. What in the world are the sicks? We went around the rest of the day chanting "I've got the really bad sicks." We think it should be a song. If you have any recommendations of songs we could rewrite using the words "I've got the really bad sicks" we'd love to hear it. Leave your suggestions in the comments.

It's Mo Monday!

You've gone out to eat at your favorite restaurant. The waitress brings out your burger and fries. Delightful. You reach for the ketchup and bam! you find a squirrel gnawing on your fingers.  

Ketchup seasons flesh nicely, says Mo.

Soooo Sick

Ah yes. Another new Tartarus employee. This one is summer help. Started work in April, for some reason. Working until some as yet undisclosed date.

So, our newbie started work last week and has been scheduled to work 4 days each week. After day 1, this wonderful individual called out for the rest of the week. Apparently she was "too sick" to come in. (Meanwhile, we spied her working at a local restaurant that same day).

Monday started week 2. She worked the morning but left early at lunch, again "horribly sick." We were the only ones who found it suspicious that after complaining of the chills and being so sick she could hardly move, she put on flip flops and sashayed out the door to go home.

I'm just going to the beach...I mean home. Because I'm so sick.

This is the same new employee who had previously volunteered at Tartarus. Of the eight weeks she was on the volunteer roster she came in twice. The other days she canceled due to : allergies, pink eye, strep throat, the flu and bronchitis. 

We are sensing a pattern.

Therefore, we dub her Bueller. We'll let you know how long she gets away with it. 

"They totally bought it"

Time to go

Winter is finally over and the murder goose is out of hibernation. Or back from the south. Or whatever it is that psychotic killer geese do when it's cold out.

We were getting ready to close Tartarus for the day yesterday. This woman came in about twenty minutes before closing. Not rushing. Just a leisurely stroll. Now, she did tell her kids "be quick. They're closing." No big, right?

Wrong. She may have said "hurry" but she asked a dozen questions, all while taking her own sweet time. We did an announcement that we were closing in just five minutes. She strolled up to the desk to sort through and order three items. Then she wanted something else that was supposed to be in stock and said she would "run and grab it." Four minutes later she strolled back to the desk, item not in hand. We didn't care, just wanted her gone. Some fool informed her that she had been looking in the wrong place. 

Are you gone yet?

Tartarus was now officially closed. The lights on the upper floors had been turned off. The Hutt was standing at our main desk, glaring at the woman (and Spoof and Speck for some reason even though we weren't involved at all). Five minutes later, the woman finally had the right item. Then she had to sort through what the kids had picked out so they could reject half of them. They strolled out fifteen minutes after we closed, laughing, only to pause at the doors so one of them could use the restroom.

That inconsiderate behavior is why the they are the next murder goose victims.