Has someone changed the definition without telling us?

We have a summer employee who we'll call Shorty. The other day, Spoof asked Shorty to cut some heavy paper into frames. "Make the frames about an inch on each side," said Spoof. Shorty returned the papers an inch smaller on each side. Then he handed Spoof a pile of inch wide strips. "Here," he said. "I thought you could maybe use these for something."

That's like asking for this:

and getting this:

 
Spoof is dumbfounded by Shorty's inability to follow directions. Or really, to even listen.

There's a face not even a mother could love

It's time once again for Stuff Out of Context! Today's line is:
We are sweet and innocent baby butts.
 

Gives a new meaning to the term "butt head"

It's Mo Monday!

Ever see a sign and immediately feel compelled to do the opposite as it instructs? That's essentially the dictionary definition of Mo. When he spied this "Wet Paint" sign he insisted on climbing onto the table in question. As you can see, we tried to stop him. Luckily, the paint was pretty much dry.
 

No flimsy piece of paper will tell Mo what to do.

Secret meetings?

Today Shoes approached Speck. "Spoof is...", said Shoes.

Might be up your butt eating a ham sandwich , Shoes

Luckily, Speck resisted the temptation to be rude and/or sarcastic and simply pointed at Spoof who happened to be about ten feet away and practically within sight. Responding to the summons, Spoof walked over to where Shoes and Speck were standing. "What's up," said Spoof. Shoes wouldn't answer, only looked pointedly at Speck until Speck walked away.

Now, we understand that sometimes there are conversations you have to have discretely. Our complaint here is with the procedure. Would it have been that difficult to ask Speck to give them some space? Or, here's a crazy thought: take the meeting to an office where you don't have to worry about being overheard.

The worst part is what this meeting was about. Shoes was telling Spoof that not only has an interim director been named, she'd actually been in the building working all day and had met everyone except Spoof and Speck. This was so important and sensitive that Shoes couldn't tell Speck as well?

 

Happy Blogiversary!

This marks the end of our second full year bringing you the crazy stories from Tartarus. It's been an insane year. Most notably, we've seen the exit of the Hutt! We'd like to thank any readers out there who've stuck with us through the year. As a special bonus to our loyal readers, anyone who comments on this post in the next week (that is, by the end of the day on July the 29th) will have a specially drawn post dedicated to them here on Falling Down the Death Stare.

Here's a quick overview of the characters who've appeared on the Death Stare this year. How many can you identify?

Lastly, we'd like to leave you with our most special Mo photo: Rabid Mo on the Death Stairs.

Here's to another year of insanity and mayhem

It's Mo Monday!

We're not sure what all of this stuff was that we found on a picnic table. Apart from what looks like a handle, most of it was too rusty to identify as anything. Someone commented that the one chunk looked sort of like a face. Mo was entranced by that notion.
 

He decided he must have it for a mask. Of course, the metal was surprisingly heavy, far too heavy for his little squirrel forepaws to lift. So, he snarled and snapped at everyone until one brave soul helped him hold it up to his face. The one positive: with a think chunk of metal over his face, Mo couldn't bite anyone.

Every animal loves plastic, you know

We used to collect empty bottles and cans at Tartarus to return them for the deposit (Yes, Tartarus is in one of those states). With the collected money we might buy a bag of candy or box of donuts for the staff on a special occasion. That all ended when the Hutt declared that the empty bottles (mostly empty water bottles) were attracting mice. That's right, apparently a mouse's favorite food is a plastic water bottle. 

While this was stupid and annoying, we'd mostly moved on and forgotten about it. Then Opie suggested this week that we collect bottles and cans to promote a fundraiser. Why is it cans for staff attract vermin but cans for a "good cause" are a delight?

Some scouts bring mad cow disease

It's time once again for Stuff Out of Context! Today's line is:
Fine, bring my rabies inside.
 

It's Mo Monday!

Is it just us or does Mo look forlorn here? We're not sure what was going on but for once, we wanted to give Mo a snuggle. Of course, maybe that was his nefarious plot all along. What better way to get access to some tasty faces than to look sad and cuddly?

The rules should be the same for everyone

Mosquito has, apparently, become very good friends with a member of our board of directors. They go to dinner, get manicures, and go on hikes together. The board member even tells mosquito details about confidential board meetings. 

We find this problematic. 

As far as we can tell, it violates employee policy about not forming close relationships with people who are higher up in the power structure. To make matters worse, six months ago Mr. Ed received an official reprimand for going out for a beer with a different board member. How then is it okay for Mosquito to be "besties" with one?

But Willie Nelson does

It's time once again for Stuff Out of Context! Today's line is:
Elvis doesn't bag his own groceries.
 

It's Mo Monday!

Ever since he heard the 1812 Overture, Mo has been obsessed with cannons. He is convinced that they are the perfect weapon for his quest to dominate the world. We can only be grateful that cannons in parks like this one are entirely unusable. 

That's real nice

We have learned that to one of our coworkers, we are known as Spoofspeck. As in, we are a single entity or at least interchangable. She can't be bothered to distinguish between us. 

And you know we love that.

We would like to invite this individual to apply her teeth to her own hindquarters and apply pressure to until the desired result is met.

In other words:

 

Do they even think?

Since the Hutt's last day on Friday, we've been without proper leadership. We presumed that Shoes, whose job description includes taking over when the director is unable to work, was automatically acting director. Apparently not.

At our staff meeting today we had a representative from our board of directors give us an update on the search for the Hutt's replacement. This included a "who's in charge" talk. The rep (who we'll call Apple Head) explained that normally Shoes would, as we presumed, automatically be named but that in a conversation Shoes expressed doubt in her ability to do the job (which is problematic given that she is being paid for it). So, there are currently three things being considered to cover us until a new director can be hired.
A) Shoes is named acting director and we are all expected to help her out.
B) A former assistant director who retired 4 years ago is brought back part time.
C) (and Apple Head doesn't even know if this is even legal) We bring back the Hutt part time.

The Hutt has only been gone four days, people! Four days! We just got rid of it and they want to bring it back?! Who of all the morons flying around thought that was a good idea?
 

Does each species get it's own variety?

It's time once again for Stuff Out of Context! Today's line is:
Is it soap for wolverines?

Yes, that's a wolverine, not a demented bear. Wolverines are hard to draw.