Stick your ideas in your eye

Hickey's thinking cap returns! We encourage you, if you have any other ideas of wrong ways to wear a thinking cap, let us know in the comments. We may adapt you idea into one of these posts.

 

Hats work better if you choose the right size

Here's another image of Hickey's thinking cap. This one is so tight it makes her eyes bug out.

A holey hat holds no thoughts

Like many people, Hickey has been heard to say "I'm putting on my thinking cap." Unlike most people, Hickey's thinking cap doesn't seem to be very helpful. We recently discovered Hickey has had to print out a guide to alphabetical order.
This has lead us to speculate what Hickey's thinking cap might look like. You can expect posts where we show images of the thinking cap in the coming weeks. We also encourage you to share your own interpretations in the comments.

Ironically, this fellow's name is Dumb Donald

 

An intriguing development

Mosquito is definitely used to getting her own way. Understandable, since in the time she's worked at Tartarus she's gotten exactly what she wanted probably 90% of the time. Things she doesn't get initially she pouts over until someone gives in.

Not this time, though.

She wanted to pass a responsibility over to Hickey. When she asked Mineola, though, she was told she needed to ask Spoof who is her direct supervisor. In the past six months Mosquito has spoken directly to Spoof maybe twice. In this case she refuses to do it. Mineola, surprisingly, will not give in. The only way Mosquito can pass off this task is if she asks Spoof. She has complained to everyone who will listen about this fact, even cried about it.

We are interested to see how this one plays out in the long run.

let the battle of wills begin

It makes you frightened for the future of humanity

Just in case you needed further proof of how moronic Hickey is:

We have discovered that Hickey does not know how to put things in alphabetical order. When questioned, Hickey admits that she struggles with the alphabet and did not realize that she would need to use it so much. In her last job, she says, she could work around it. Where did Hickey work previous to Tartarus, you ask? 

She was a preschool teacher.

How in the name of all that is reasonable can one teach preschoolers if one cannot even grasp the basics of the alphabet?

 

If you needed proof...

You may think we are exaggerating Hickey's stupidity. If anything, we are downplaying it. Observe the note we found that Hickey left for herself.

What does this mean? Is a computer machine different than a regular computer? How does one review buttons?

We think maybe Hickey ought to review where brain is in head skull.

Email is hard!

Sometimes we see stupid stuff happening and it seems like we are the only ones bothered. It's enough to make a person wonder. Is it really so bad or are we exaggerating the issue?

We're not exaggerating.

Hickey has called the IT department at least three times for help signing into her email. She can't figure out the difference between a username and a password. At least 3 times, IT has spent at least 5 minutes helping her. She still can't figure out how to log in.

 

A group effort

We're not sure who's to blame with this one. 

Is it Hickey, unable to absorb even the simplest of instructions, no matter how many times she hears them?

Is it Opie, how shouldn't be teaching anyone anything since he does everything in the dumbest way possible?

Is it Mineola and Shoes for letting Opie take charge of teaching Hickey as skill she clearly wasn't ready for?

It's hard to say. All we know is Opie was teaching Hickey how to do inventory using a laptop. They spent three hours working on four sets of shelves. After that time, they claimed to be done. When Spoof checked the inventory, nothing had been recorded. Opie blamed the internet, saying it "doesn't work in the afternoon". 

 

Time for a new feature!

We have a new employee at Tartarus. Again. History has told us that this seldom ends well. History, and the newbie's first few days.

Let's call this newbie Hickey, due to her intellectual resemblance to the cast of a certain tv show.  

This bewildered expression features highly

Now in her first few days, Joy has displayed the following inadequacies:
1. She couldn't find the power button for the computer. Neither for the tower nor for the monitor. The clearly marked, obvious power buttons.

2. We wear magnetic name tags at Tartarus. Joy couldn't figure out how to attach hers. First, she tried to simply apply the whole thing directly to her shirt. After Spoof showed her how to remove the magnet bar from the front, she tried to stick said front to her shirt, leaving the magnets on the counter.

3. She fails to absorb even the simplest instructions. It's even worse when certain other employees (*cough Opie *cough) try to teach her. 

All of this has prompted us to create a new feature here on Falling Down The Death Stare. We call it 'I'm learnding!'. In it, we will chronicle the idiocy that results from trying to train Joy.

Expect to see this particular gif a lot in the coming weeks.