Regular or decaf?

Today's Stuff out of Context is actually likely to seem kind of boring to you all. Trust us, though. If you knew the context you would be falling down laughing. The line is:
Just a bunch of coffee pots sitting at the desk.

Those with weak stomachs may wish to click away

We're not kidding. It's time for a Grrrrapey update and it's getting disgusting.

Sooooo gross

Why is it yellow now?

How is it no one but us sees these things?

They're right out there in the open.

And of course, the nasty cheese potatoes are still there too.

You are now dismissed to go and vomit.

It's Mo Monday!

Ever seen a squirrel in one of those live traps? We have and we always feel a little sorry for them. Until we saw Mo. Then we laughed. "Come after us now, Mo," we said. And then he did this.

He chewed right through the side! Granted, this wasn't a traditional live trap. It may even be intended for fish. Still, is there nothing that will stop that squirrel?

Yay?

Remember Tuesday, when we told you about the Zebra running? The weird Zebra behavior continues. 

Today the Hutt was passing out pins to everyone. Upon seeing the pins in question the Zebra said "Oooooo," in a weirdly excited tone of voice and clapped like a sugar buzzed little kid.

Like this, only more so.

Now, we're all for getting excited over cool stuff. We geek out over things all the time. We both did a little happy dance when the Hutt gave us our scissors back. The thing about the Zebra's excitement is that these pins were LAME. Like, lamey lamey lame. And tacky. Seriously, Speck's pin is already tossed into the back of a locker and Spoof's is stuffed in the bottom of a drawer. So, not only did the Zebra get excited in a weird way, it was a stupid thing to get excited about.

Oh boy, oh boy. A pin from the Hutt.

 

Say Cheese!

Were you being chased?

So, here's a weird story for your enjoyment.

Today we were on our way in to work. As we drove into the parking lot, we saw the Zebra waiting at the cross walk. When the way was clear, he ran across the street.

"Spoof and Speck," you are saying, "what's so weird about that? Lots of people run across the street."

Ah, friends, just listen. The Zebra did not run like a normal person. He ran with giant steps, his arms clamped down at his sides.

Like this, but faster.

And if that weren't weird enough, when he got across the street he kept running. He sprinted all the way down the sidewalk and didn't stop until he hit the front door. We can't figure it out. He wasn't late. In fact, he was a sold ten minutes early. 

He belongs in the Ministry of Silly Walks.

 

It's Mo Monday!

Now that Spring is finally, really here, people are finally starting to go outside. Yesterday, we took a walk out in a field near our town. While we were out there, we came across this boy sitting on a large rock.

Picturesque, right?

We looked away for a second and when we turned back around, this is what we saw.

Look out, kid! Danger!

Don't worry. The boy got away before Mo could start to nibble.

Oink oink

Every workplace has one. There's always one person who is first in line whenever there is food. The person who takes several cookies even if there is only enough for everyone to have one.

Our particular food hound has almost supernatural powers. The sniffer can be on a different floor but if you mention food at all - BAM - there she is.

Those ears must be perked at all times.

Recently someone brought us breakfast. Mostly, it was muffins (and anyone who reads this blog regularly knows muffins have special meaning for us). There were enough for everyone to have one with maybe half a dozen left over. The sniffer ate 3 right of the back. And came back for another one mid-morning. And was angry when there weren't any left the next day.

More muffins. MORE MUFFINS!

Today, we got to Tartarus to find the sniffer searching all over the staff room. "Wasn't there any food left over from the event last night," she demanded. 

"Nope," we said.

She just huffed and stomped off, probably grumbling about greedy people.

Gotta find more food.

Did she really say that?

We have a very strange story for you today. 

A lady (who looked exactly like the creepy living dolls from the Doctor Who episode Night Terrors) came up to the main desk this afternoon and said something that was not entirely clear. We were both sitting right there and could swear she said "I'm going out back to smoke a little crack."

 

Can she possibly have said that?

The lady, whom we have since dubbed "Crack Lady", had been in Tartarus looking for information about a local marijuana festival. A festival which we have discovered includes a smoking tent.

How many drugs is this woman on?

Seriously, she looked like a combination of these two dolls. Horrifying.

Just plain gross

Who doesn't love Stuff Out of Context? We must admit, this is a weird one.

This week's line is: Oh Poo, I was so looking forward to stroking you. 

This was the least disgusting way we could think of to illustrate this.

Nepotism Reigns at Tartarus

We've been having some staffing changes at Tartarus lately and it leaves us baffled. How is everyone okay with:

1. Our tech guy's wife being the only person interviewed for the position of the Hutt's assistant.

2. The daughter of a former board member and a good friend of Shoes being the ones hired for the summer without interviews. Summer positions that were never posted anywhere. They called these people to offer them jobs, unsolicited.

3. (And this one is absolutely the worst) The child of the head of our volunteer group getting hired for a full time opening. Let's call this person Neppy. Neppy is an upcoming college graduate in a field completely unrelated to the work we do at Tartarus. Neppy was hired 2 days after the job was posted, the only person considered in spite of dozens of resumes being submitted in that time frame. Like individuals for the summer positions, Neppy was not required to participate in any kind of interview. To make matters worse, Neppy worked summers at Tartarus before and is rude, loud, annoying, and completely socially incompetent.

When the news about Neppy came out, Spoof literally turned white and started shaking. Speck fell down on the floor in anger and defeat.

We give up

 

It's Mo Monday!

We've known for some time now that Mo has what you might call an over developed sense of self. He thinks he is not only the greatest squirrel but the greatest thing on the face of the planet. We did not realize how far his ego stretched until we came across this plaque.

Mo was immediately drawn to it. We don't know if he admires Elvis or envies him. 

He may very well be planning to scratch out Elvis's image out and replace it with his own evil grin.

 

A disaster waiting to happen

Tartarus has an event space that gets used for a variety of programs, meetings and the like. Using the space usually means rearranging tables and chairs. Six months ago, money was allocated for some small sized furniture for children's events. 
We got the tables about a month ago (still no chairs - it's a long story). In order to actually get the tables we (Spoof and Speck) had to promise to move them ourselves. 
When the tables arrived they turned out to be laminate topped (not the plastic we had wanted) and quite heavy. They are kept two rooms away from the event space, in the far corner of a twisty store room.
Spider Hero said it was stupid and dangerous for the two of us to try and carry those tables. He would move them himself on a dolly designed for that purpose.
 

Our hero, Spider Hero!

When the Hutt found out you'd have thought it was the end of the world. Spider Hero got soundly scolded. Spoof and Speck must carry their own equipment (and they do not have permission to use the furniture dolly - we asked). 
To make matters worse, as we were moving tables today, Spider Hero was in the event space setting up for a program for Shoes. 
Putting up tables. 
Plastic topped tables that even little kids can move. 
For Shoes.
And this is okay.

You have got to be kidding us.

12 hours of awesomeness

You know that feeling you get when you know something that no one else knows? We don't get to feel that very often. In fact, we are usually the absolute last people in Tartarus to know anything. There are a few official edicts from the Hutt that we only know about because we overheard a conversation. 

Yesterday, though, we heard some Tartarus gossip from an outside source. One of our coworkers told her neighbor, who we know from real life, that she is quitting from Tartarus. It was great! For once we knew something first!

We know something you don't know!

Then we went to work today. It turns out, all of our coworkers were told several days ago about this person quitting. The open position has even been posted and the Hutt has started receiving applications. Even with help from the outside, we were once again absolutely the last to know.

Victory snatched from our grasps.

Tharr she blows!

The grossness continues

Bet you thought there was no more gross food we could share with you. Not so, gentle readers. Not so. 

To begin, let's look at beverages hanging out on our shelves. Bear in mind, all of these foods are on shelves meant to store things we serve to the public.

Who in their right mind is going to try to make coffee with this jar of instant? We defy you to scrape enough crystals out of that to make a full cup (and who would want to? Ewww) 

You can't see it here but both the Canada Dry and the hot chocolate are both more than a year past date.

The iced tea mix here has the same problem as the coffee. We couldn't even scrape enough of the mix free to cover the bottom of the little scoop.

We're having a hard time defining this one. This particular tin is meant to hold things like sprinkles. Chocolate chips. Desert toppings one might say. Why then does it also contain mayo packets?

What kinds of deserts are these people making?

No food update would be complete without a check on the grapeys.

There is blackness. And splitting. And oozing fluids.

Grrrrapey is as grossed out as we are.

It's Mo Monday!

Out for a walk to enjoy the (finally) springish weather, we came across this little fellow.

 And at first we thought, "poor little squirrel, impaled on that fence post. Who could do such a thing?"

Ah, but then this happened.
 

Now we're not sure if the little squirrel is a victim or acting as a sentry for Mo.

Something to share. Because we're nice like that.

Ever have one of those weeks where you are sorely tempted to physically injure someone? We have those weeks a lot. In fact, we suspected as early as Monday that this was going to be one of those weeks for us. To easy our tension a little we drew a picture. Now we're sharing the picture here. It's our gift to you. If you're having a stressful week, feel free to share this picture on your own blog, Facebook, whatever. 

May you enjoy sharing it as much as we enjoyed drawing it.

How to drive a speck mad

Recently, Speck got roped into helping Shoes with a project, designing and creating a bulletin board display. Speck's complaints could probably fill at least two blog posts, but you all would get quite bored and probably stop frequenting this blog so here are the bullet points.

• Shoes and the Hutt had already decided what they wanted on the bulletin board, so Speck actually had no say in the situation.
• After detailing how the board should look (with no suggestions as to how those things should actually physically be done) Shoes did none of the actual work.
• Shoes didn't even get all of the information about what should be on the board until two days before they were meant to put the stupid thing up.
• After Speck put aside other work to finish all of the papers to go up on the board (which is going to be awful looking, by the way), Shoes scheduled a time to assemble the display. The time came and went with no sign of Shoes. This was especially irritating as Spoof gave up time working on an important project to accommodate Speck and Shoes.
• Speck never wanted anything to do with the idiotic bulletin board in the first place.  

 

We're still mad about the whole thing

Not much of a lunch

You guessed it. Here's another installment of Stuff out of Context. Today's line is:

The sheep is eating my pants.

A message from the Murlhaug

a very sorry murlhaug

The murlhaug would like to apologize for his previous rude behavior on this blog. Here. He has brought you a lovely bunch of petunias.

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APRIL FOOLS!

The murlhaug has no need to apologize. In fact, the murlhaug demands an apology from you. Go ahead. Apologize. The murlhaug is waiting.

the murlhaug waits