Of health hazards and stupidity

This is a long and infuriating one, folks. Prepare yourselves.

Last year, we had a really bad leak at Tartarus. Water poured through a light fixture. The wall paint bulged in water filled bubble. The ceiling and part of one wall cracked. This was all happening in our main desk area and left us somewhat frightened. When the leak stopped, the Hutt promised that our board of directors was looking into repair options. And that was the last we heard of it for more than six months.

Finally, in the late fall, our board finally made the promised repair, installing metal roofing where the leak had come through. Now, that was the only repair. Nothing was done to fix the damaged interior. We were told that they were waiting on insurance evaluations.

Yeah, we totally believe that

Now, in addition to the massive leak, we've always had some mild leaking in the winter. Water comes in under some baseboards, usually in the exact same spot. When that leak started up this year, some of our coworkers started freaking out. "Oh, it's starting again. Let's get out the buckets," they cried. 

"Wait," we said. "They fixed the roof. This is probably the same old snow build-up. Don't panic just yet." Of course no one listened to us.

Now, because of the way the roof was repaired and because our board doesn't seem to believe in proper snow removal, snow and ice have been building up on our roof all winter. As a result, a new leak appeared just this week. Apparently, it's a pretty bad one and we're told that the equipment in that room is "incredibly valuable." Suddenly, the leak is a big issue that must be dealt with immediately. The Hutt called an industrial cleaning company to deal with the moisture. In the process of cleaning, they were asked to look at our old damage. 
(It's important to note that all of this was going on while Tartarus was open for business and patrons were all over the place).
This inspection revealed that the wall under the cracked ceiling, which is normally covered by a shelf, is covered in black mold. The staff was asked to remove all of the computers, desk drawers, and assorted equipment from the effected area. All of these things are necessary to keep Tartarus running, yet the Hutt saw no need to close for the rest of the day. 

The cleaning guys returned today to complete their evaluation. This involved taking down counters, cutting into the ceiling and wall, and running industrial dehumidifiers. All in an area full of plaster dust and apparently toxic mold. Horrible, right? It gets worse.

THE HUTT KEPT TARTARUS OPEN! 

That's right. In all the dust, noise, and mold spores, staff was expected to continue on, business as usual. Equipment matters to the Hutt. Staff, clearly, does not.

Gross, Turtle. Just Gross.

There was some catered event at Tartarus, headed by the Hutt, last night. That is literally all we know about it. Even though it was directly related to the future of Tartarus, none of the staff was invited. All we know is they invited 80 people and maybe 30, most of whom are already directly involved in Tartarus leadership in some way, attended. So there was food left.

As a semi-pleasant change of pace, the staff was actually invited to have some of the left-overs. So, we tried some of it. We, meaning Spoof and Speck, thought the food was mediocre at best. Our co-workers didn't seem to agree. Zebra kept raving about how wonderful it was. 

We can only assume Turtle felt the same. This is a list of what we know Turtle ate in the course of a single day, not to mention whatever might have been consumed at lunch when Turtle left the building:

• at least 4 chocolate dipped macaroons
• at least 4 lemon squares
• somewhere between 7 and 11 pieces of spanokopita
• at least 3-5 pieces of baguette with roast beef and horseradish sauce
• an undetermined quantity of jumbo shrimp (we're thinking at least 10) and chicken skewers (probably the same)

 

How can you eat all that?

 

World's worst collector cards

It's time once again for Stuff Out of Context!

Today's line is:
I have the Saturday poops.

If you love Stuff Out of Context as much as we do you'll be thrilled to know about an upcoming change here on Falling Down the Death Stare. Beginning in March, we'll be putting the Further Adventures of Spoof and Speck on hold. Instead of alternating weeks with this feature, Further Adventures will simply make an occasional appearance (whenever we think of something funny). That's right. Prepare yourselves for Stuff Out of Context every Wednesday for the foreseeable future.

And what did you mean by that?

Speck is trying to decide whether or not to be offended. This is a transcript of a brief conversation between Speck and Mr. Ed.

Mr. Ed: Will Spoof be here tomorrow?

Speck: Yes.

Mr. Ed: Good, so we'll have Spoof and Muffin.

Speck: And me. Spoof and Muffin and me.

Mr. Ed: Yeah, well....

 

It's Mo Monday!

Winter is starting to get to everyone, even Mo. When we saw him today he was just staring out a window. He didn't try to chew out anyone's throat or even gnaw on a finger. If we get much more snow we're afraid he may turn into a normal squirrel.

Things are supposed to work?

The elevator at Tartarus is broken. In fact, it has been broken for months. Spider hero has literally been telling the Hutt for months that there is something wrong with the elevator fuses and they need to be fixed sooner rather than later. The Hutt insisted that there was nothing wrong with it and we were ignoring the elevator's tendency to travel to the wrong floor or go up and down a couple of times without the door ever opening.

The problem can no longer be ignored. Today the doors stopped opening at all. The elevator just travels randomly up and down the shaft. Concerned, we asked the Hutt, "nobody's stuck in there are they?"

The Hutt just about took off our heads. "Don't you think if someone was in there you'd hear them pounding," it snapped. "What's wrong with you?"

And then it stomped away, muttering how it doesn't have time to deal with all these little problems and the staff needs to start dealing with such minor issues without it's guidance.

Are we crazy or is dealing with stuff like broken elevators kind of in the job description for the boss?

We never asked to be invited

Ever find something out and wish you could have remained ignorant? 

We've recently been made aware that there is a Tartarus employee group chat ongoing on Facebook. Apparently our coworkers have formed a sort of supper club. They go out to some local restaurant, drink too much, and talk about work. We have never been invited.

Honestly, we don't care that much. We made the mistake of going out with some coworkers a couple of years ago and it was an embarrassing disaster.

The only reason we know about the new supper club is because of recent staff addition Pterry. When Pterry was invited to join the chat she asked why we were not included. Turtle, who had started the group, replied "they never go to anything extra anyway. I suppose someone else can invite them if they want. I won't."

Several conversations later, someone did add us. No one seemed to realize that we would be able to see the entire conversation, including the suggestions that we remain excluded.

We don't want to be a part of their stupid supper club. We don't want to spend any more time with those idiots than we have to. What angers us is the blatant exclusion.

And after all of that, we've been asked repeatedly if we will be attending the next event. "It will be so much fun," they say.

 

I promise not to hit your finger

technically not it's finger

Do not disturb

Ever wander around your workplace and come across something that makes you go "what's up with that?" It happens to us all of the time. This is our most frequent source of confusion:

Maybe it's just us, but it seems like the purpose of a rack like this is to contain your cords, not to let them hang all over in a crazy tangle. Of course, our favorite part of this rack is the label at the top.

Again, maybe it's just us but that label really makes us want to disturb the red cords. We make it a point to touch them whenever we walk past.

It's Mo Monday!

While out shopping this weekend we spied these little wooden train cars. Mo was elated. Apparently he is currently obsessed with the circus. He insisted that the cars were part of a circus train and that if he waited in them long enough the ringmaster would come and pick him up. He is destined to perform under the big top, apparently. To us, the notion of Mo in front of a large crowd seems like a terrible idea. The sight of all those people would be likely to trigger his murderous impulses.

Did you say something?

Allow us to set the scene: Spoof and Speck are sitting in a staff work area. Spoof is on the phone. Speck is sorting out some papers. In walks Shoes. "I'm doing an equipment inventory," says Shoes. "Have you seen a black surge protector in this area?"

"No," says Speck. "I think they're all the next floor up."

Shoes says nothing.

Meanwhile, Spoof is still on the phone. "Sounds good," says Spoof. "I'll follow up with you in a day or too."

"Sorry," says Shoes. "Didn't realize you were one the phone."

Speck looks pointedly at Shoes, who makes it a point not to make eye contact.

When Spoof hangs up the phone, Shoes repeats the question. "Have you seen a black surge protector in here?"

"No," says Spoof. "I think they're all the next floor up."

"Okay, thanks," says Shoes. "I'll go check up there." And Shoes leaves.

Spoof and Speck just look at each other. "Did you hear me," asks Speck. "I did speak, right?"

"Yup," says Spoof.

 

That new math

Apparently the Hutt does addition differently than we do. 

We've had another issue regarding money. The whole story is long and confusing - too long and confusing to get into here. The important part is the math. 

Some months ago we were given a sum of money to fund a program series. After some initial purchases we were told by the Hutt that we had $38 dollars left for incidentals. In the last few months we've spent about $9.50 of that money. Today we requested more money. 

The Hutt told us the fund was gone. 

"How is that possible," we asked. "We've only spent around $10 dollars. We should have plenty left and there is still stuff that we need." 

"No," said the Hutt. "That money is long gone." 

And no matter what questions we asked, trying to figure out what happened to the other $28 the Hutt would only say "That money is long gone."

What does that mean for our program? Honestly, we don't know. Some money was found for a temporary fix but that can't last. And we are mystified how that remaining fund, which was supposed to be carefully tracked to each purchase was accounted for, could be drained without our knowledge.

It just doesn't add up

What about the spleen?

It's time once again for Stuff Out of Context! Today's line is:

She has the handwriting of a bowel.

And apparently a bowel doesn't write well at all

 

You mean signs apply to everyone?

Imagine you're standing in a parking lot. Interspersed among the spaces you find light poles. Typical, yes? Now, we'd like for you to focus on one of these poles. Approaching it you see this sign:

Now, if you circle that pole to the right (following the arrow) you'll see another sign:

This seems pretty clear to us. Do not park on the right side of the pole. So of course, who was parked in that banned spot? Everyone's least favorite idiot, Opie. Parked directly under the sign.

What a dope.
 

It's Mo Monday!

The ongoing winter weather has left everyone a little bit testy, especially Mo. Mo refuses to anything lately. He spends all day in this indoor swing. When challenged, he insists that he is "hibernating" and that he'll go outside again "when nature decides to be sensible again." We'd shake our heads at him but we're inclined to agree.

Besides, that swing looks pretty comfy

Seriously, it's a door

Tartarus has this whole stupid ritual about the end of each work day. We all have to troop down to our staff lounge together, retrieve our belongings, and leave out the front door together. Like we're a bunch of preschoolers.

With the winter weather this process takes even longer. Fed up, Spoof decided to leave by the back door today. Not only is the back door closer to the staff lounge, its the closest to the parking lot we are meant to use. Really, it's the more sensible door. Rather than just vanish, Spoof informed Shoes as to what was going on. "I'm going out the back door," said Spoof.

Shoes just stared for a minute. "O....kay." It's hard to convey the disapproving tone of that "okay."

It was accompanied by this look

 
Nonplussed, Spoof left. Nearly out the door, Spoof could hear Mosquito say "Zebra is parked back there and he's leaving out the front door with the rest of us."

Why does all of this matter, you ask? Firstly, we agree. It shouldn't matter. Why should they care which door we use?  But, because they made it an issue we can't help but point out that Mosquito has left by the same back door the last two days. Where does she get off judging Spoof for something she's done repeatedly?

Batter up

Dumb question of the day

We just don't know what to say about this one. Just read.

Opie (standing directly in front of a window, through which one can see heavy snow falling , asked of Spider Hero who had just come in from outside, tracking snow behind him) - Is it snowing out there?

 

It's Mo Monday!

We are concerned that the continuing winter weather is messing with Mo's mind. He's made it his mission to put every animal he meets under his control. No matter what evidence we presented him with, though, he would not believe that this turtle is actually a pillow. He insists that it's name is General Terrapin, mighty slayer of enemies.

Because this pastel plush looking like a mighty killer?