A strange sort of shopping trip

It's time once again for Stuff Out of Context! Today's line is:
I was looking at the clock and the forgettings.
 

They're called manners; get some

To begin with, we have to say that we have never done anything to earn Plague's displeasure. Not a single insult, harsh word, or poorly timed joke (there was a single incident involving a magazine but she deserved it and it was three years ago so get over it already Plague). In recent weeks we have actually been especially nice to Plague. She may be annoying but she's never been outright nasty to either of us. She's become the lesser evil

Until today. 

Today Plague started out by ignoring us. We even apologized for something that wasn't even our fault. No acknowledgement. She didn't even look in our direction. It went on like this all morning. The only interaction she consented to with either of us was when she and Zebra were blocking a mailbox that Spoof needed to put something in. When Spoof said "excuse me," she whirled around, snatched the item from Spoof's hands without a word, and shoved it into the mailbox.

We all have bad days but there is no reason to treat your coworkers in such a rude, unprofessional manner. And that is why the murder goose, who has been conspicuously absent from the death stare for several months, has decided to target Plague.

 

It's Mo Monday!

You're invited to take lessons at a brand new gym. Learn to box from the world's most vicious squirrel. He's fast. He's mean. He'll get you in the best shape of your life. As a bonus, boxing gloves will protect your fingers from his super sharp teeth. We can't make the same guarantee for your legs.

We made Janet Reno cry

It's time once again for Stuff Out of Context! Today's line is:
Now we have a Janet for every occasion.

That's Janet Reno if you can't tell

You only think you're talking

Do people loose half of their brains when the make phone calls? The following is a transcript of a phone call between Speck and an idiot customer we'll call Susie Poozie.

Susie: I think my account is past due.

Speck: Well, if I can get your account number I can check on that for you.

Susie: Oh, I'll have to go find it.

(Susie sets down the receiver and is gone for at least half a minute)

Susie: Well I've got a paper here but I don't see a number.

Speck: It's at the top under your name.

Susie: Well now I'll have to find my glasses.

(Susie sets down the receiver again. After a solid minute of silence, Speck hears breath sounds. Susie says nothing. Another minute passes)

Susie: Are you still there?

Speck: Yes ma'am.

Susie: Are you still searching?

Speck:....

Speck: Ma'am you haven't given me your account number.

Susie: Yes I did. I just told you 97842634.

To be clear, that final silence wasn't dead air like the phone cut out or something. Speck could clearly hear breath sounds. We don't know if Susie read off the number in another room when she found her glasses or just said it in her head.  

It's Mo Monday!

We went out this weekend and Mo insisted on coming along. Someone selected this excellent, cane sugar soda to drink. We were all remarking what a good choice it was. Mo was incensed. He can't stand for someone else to be the center of attention. He insisted that we all commend him on his choice of beverage. We tried to explain that his "soda" was actually Tobasco sauce. He refused to hear it and insisted that he would, in fact, drink the whole thing.

Not exactly the world's tastiest beverage

Who knew a drawer could cause so much stress

There is a drawer in Tartarus that our Board suddenly (like overnight suddenly) decided needs to be locked every night. The problem? We don't all have keys to this drawer.

Apparently we can't be trusted?

The Hutt and Shoes each have a key on their person at all times. Pterry is given access to a key but must turn it in when she leaves each day. Mr. Ed was informed where a copy of the key is kept but must not carry it around. He must only get it out when the drawer needs locking. That's it. No other keys exist.

Yesterday, the closing staff scheduled was Mr. Ed, Plague, and Speck. The problem? Mr. Ed was out sick. Since the Hutt didn't want to come back in at closing, someone else needed to be made responsible for the key. 

Now, Speck has worked for Tartarus for 5 years. Plague has not even completed a year as a full time employee and hasn't even been trusted with the alarm code yet. Additionally, simply by virtue of job title, Speck was officially "in charge". It seems obvious who should have been trusted with the key. Speck, yes? Of course not. Plague was entrusted with the key. Speck was not even allowed to knew where the key is kept. We don't think Speck could be any more insulted.

A super tasty out of context

It's time once again for Stuff Out of Context! Today's line is:

Mmmm. Yummy boy.

A yummy boy. And also the only PG way to illustrate that line.

We didn't want one anyway

Mosquito made these cards for the Tartarus staff. Their purpose would take too long to explain but suffice it to say that there needs to be one for each member of staff. As she worked, she discovered that she did not have enough for everyone. "I'll make some more in a couple of days," she said. 

If that were the entirety of the story we could brush it off as Mosquito's poor planning as usual. The problem with that is, we (meaning Spoof and Speck) were the only ones without a card. 

Or, really, not shocked at all.

There is no sensibly arranged list of staff members where Spoof and Speck are listed sequentially, much less at the end of the list. To make matters worse, a person who has been offered a summer position, who won't even be in town much less at Tartarus, until at least the beginning of June, has a card. Wouldn't it make more sense to make them for people who are actually present first?

It's Mo Monday!

Remember the California Raisins? When we came across this vintage pillow, we couldn't resist. We made Mo pose with it. He seemed more confused by it than anything else. He liked the vantage point from atop it's head but didn't try to enslave it or anything nefarious like that.
 

Save us!

We spent all day today at a boring conference, sitting through boring talks.

An evil child - or at least an evil blanket

It's time once again for Stuff Out of Context. This week's line is:

As soon as you put fabric between the legs its bad.

 

There are these things called manners

Sometimes people just make you want to scream. Consider this patron interaction that Speck had today with a lady who spoke in a very snippy, rude tone of voice.

Annoying lady: I need some help using the copy machine.

Speck: Well, I can't leave the desk at the moment. As soon as one of my coworkers arrives I can come over and help you.

Annoying lady: It'll just take fifteen seconds.

Speck: Yup. As soon as someone comes back. I just can't leave this desk unattended.

Annoying lady: I don't understand why you won't help me. A customer is a customer.

Speck: Ma'am...

At this point, the lady just walked away. Had she waited literally 2 more seconds Speck could have helped her, as that is how long it took for another Tartarus employee to arrive.

 

It's Mo Monday!

With spring weather finally upon us, everyone seems to be starting their spring cleaning. While we don't go in for a big seasonal cleaning, there is something about the warm weather that makes you want to do a little bit of tidying. Even Mo is affected. Or so we thought when he offered to check the gutters at Tartarus. We should have known better than to think he had pure motives. It turns out he climbed the gutter not to check for matted leaves but to gain a better vantage point from which he could attack people.

Oh, thanks for helping Mo...

Argh!!! No!!! Not my face!!!

He may be a bit confused

A fellow came into Tartarus today needing a great deal of help. As he was leaving, he was very grateful and vocal. We had to try really hard not to laugh so as not to offend him when he proclaimed "Thank you all for being so kind and hospital."

Don't know about you but we're feeling very hospital today.

Why not a rhinoceros?

It's time once again for Stuff Out of Context! Today's line is:
    I need a giraffe to serve me cookies.

Especially this giraffe with his posh mustache.

Happy April

We thought long and hard about what kind of post to do for today, April Fool's Day. After coming up with a series of really lame visual pranks we settled on this: a very special comic strip version of The Further Adventures of Spoof and Speck.