Time for a new feature!

We have a new employee at Tartarus. Again. History has told us that this seldom ends well. History, and the newbie's first few days.

Let's call this newbie Hickey, due to her intellectual resemblance to the cast of a certain tv show.  

This bewildered expression features highly

Now in her first few days, Joy has displayed the following inadequacies:
1. She couldn't find the power button for the computer. Neither for the tower nor for the monitor. The clearly marked, obvious power buttons.

2. We wear magnetic name tags at Tartarus. Joy couldn't figure out how to attach hers. First, she tried to simply apply the whole thing directly to her shirt. After Spoof showed her how to remove the magnet bar from the front, she tried to stick said front to her shirt, leaving the magnets on the counter.

3. She fails to absorb even the simplest instructions. It's even worse when certain other employees (*cough Opie *cough) try to teach her. 

All of this has prompted us to create a new feature here on Falling Down The Death Stare. We call it 'I'm learnding!'. In it, we will chronicle the idiocy that results from trying to train Joy.

Expect to see this particular gif a lot in the coming weeks.

 

You try drawing a bikini on a donkey

It's time once again for Stuff Out of Context! Today's line is: 

The wife of clown just bought the donkey in a bathing suit sweater.

 

It's Mo Monday!

Something about the idea of any squirrel, much less a rabid and homicidal one, driving a tractor is terrifying. We're thinking maybe this summer is a good time to stay indoors. Or maybe to invest in a fully stocked bomb shelter. He couldn't get his death machine in there, right? Right?
 

Happy Blogiversary to us!

It's been three years since we started sharing the stupidity that surrounds us with all of you. It's been a weird ride.

My rat wears Huggies

It's time once again for Stuff Out of Context! Today's line is:

No, I'm not going to put any rat poop in your house.

 

It's Mo Monday!

We don't know whether we should believe this picture. It looks like Mo is indulging in the simple and innocent pleasure that is a tire swing. But with Mo things are seldom as they seem. We can't help but think that he has some bigger, more evil plot in the works.
 

Little bites of misery

We've always thought things were bad at Tartarus. We just never knew how much potential there was for things to get worse. There are just so many little ways to make life in Tartarus more miserable. 

Take, for instance, the administrative assistant, a job once filled by Pterry. After Pterry was fired, our board of directors announced that they would not be looking for a new assistant until a permanent replacement for the Hutt was found. That was over a year ago. Randomly, last week, they hired a new Pterry. Old Pterry had a nice desk in the same office as Shoes. We suspect Comfort Inn re-purposed that desk somewhere because when they hired the new Pterry, they put in a cheap, junky desk (of the sort you buy for like 20 bucks at Walmart) for her. And somehow there is no space for this desk any more. Instead of having a reasonable amount of space to work, new Pterry's desk is squeezed in between Shoes' desk and the door to the staff bathroom. Any time someone needs to use the restroom, the new Pterry has to stand up and let them in. And then stand there while they do their business. 

If history is any indication, new Pterry will not last long.
 

A very strange hybrid

It's time once again for Stuff Out of Context! Today's line is:
It was a black squirrel! No, it was a mosquito.

It's Mo Monday!

Another fourth of July has come and gone. We wanted to tell you about a close call we had had on the fourth. we had planned to attend the fireworks show put on by a neighbor. He spends several hundred dollars on his display, so we figured it would be almost as good as the professional show in the next town without all of the traffic. Then we got to to his how and caught sight of his assistant. We made our excuses and drove to the next town after all. Mo with access to explosives is much worse than any traffic.

The nerve of some people

Right when you think certain people couldn't possibly be any more selfish and self-centered, they surprise you. The worst part about this story is how flat-out stupid it is.

A few years ago Speck made one of those boards with a funny picture painted on the front with a hole cut out for a person's face for a special event. A photo-op. It turned out well so we decided to keep it for future use an it's been sitting in a Tartarus storage room ever since. The other day Mosquito decided to use the photo-op for an event, which is not in and of itself a problem. No, the problem is that Mosquito claims one of her minions made it a few weeks ago.

The worst part is, not only is there photographic evidence of the photo-op in question from it's initial use, Mosquito herself complimented the painting at the time. She knows where it came from and yet, for some inexplicable reason, feels the need to claim some peripheral glory for herself.

 
 

Literally everyone loves the beach

It's time once again for Stuff Out of Context! Today's line is:
The summer months bring out the rabies.

Were we the only ones to see this coming?

Remember Comfort Inn? The Hutt's crazy replacement who worked like four months and then was suddenly fired with no explanation? We learned an interesting tidbit the other day that may intrigue you as well.

It turns out, only weeks after being fired from Tartarus, Comfort Inn was given a similar position of authority in a business much like Tartarus in another state. Let's call this new place Mictlan. It turns out people who work or have worked at Mictlan as well as concerned community members are circulating a petition to have Comfort Inn fired. (If you're wondering why a petition would work, just know that it's a complicated situation relating to the way places like Tartarus and Mictlan work).

Note that. These people have had Comfort Inn around for only a few months and they're already trying to get rid of her. Are we the only ones who see a pattern there? We're told that her employment record is full of short term jobs like that: six months here, eighteen months there. Never more than two years in a single job. 

We do wonder, though, at the board at Mictlan who hired Comfort Inn without questioning what got her fired from Tartarus in such a short time. Didn't that seem odd to anyone?