So, get this

When you hear PSA what do you think of? Some of you may answer "Professional Squash Association" (that's a real thing by the way) but more than likely most of you will say "Public Service Announcement."

And what is a Public Service Announcement? Wikipedia provides this definition: "messages in the public interest disseminated by the media without charge, with the objective of raising awareness, changing public attitudes and behavior towards a social issue."

We've all seen a PSA, probably teaching us about drugs, AIDS, or tolerance.

If you're like us, you immediately imagined this logo and are currently singing the little jingle in your head.

Hey, Spoof and Speck, you are saying. What's the deal? This is really boring. Where's your usual witty observations? Don't worry friends. We're almost there.

The thing is, Shoes talks about PSAs all of the time. A ridiculous amount of Shoes' week is spent writing PSAs. We do not work for any kind of public health/social justice nonprofit organization. Remember that Wikipedia definition? PSAs are about social issues. We send information about programs and events. Press Releases.

What we, Shoes included, send out looks more like this:

Sample Press Release

and nothing at all like this:

Any questions?

 And in case you've forgotten who we're talking about, Shoes is the Hutt's minion. Shoes has power, is somewhat in charge of us. 

So now it's your turn. What else could PSA be an acronym for? Share your funniest answers in the comments. Our favorite will be featured here on Falling Down the Death Stare in late September.

The Hutt strikes again

We thought it would be nice this summer to have a drawing. In May, we asked the Hutt to buy three gift cards to use as prizes. "Sounds good," said the Hutt.

With a written plan and emails recording the conversation, we went ahead with the drawing as planned, trusting the Hutt to do as we all agreed.

Silly Spoof and Speck. Don't celebrate yet.

So, last week our drawing ended. We pulled the names and got ready to contact the winners. Spoof had reservations. "Maybe we should verify that we have the cards here before we call anyone."

That turned out to be a good plan. "What gift cards," said the Hutt. "You never asked me to buy any gift cards."

We could have lost our tempers, yelled and had a tantrum. Instead, very calmly, Spoof sent the original email a second time, highlighting the section about the gift cards.

We heard nothing back.

After several days, Spoof asked once more about the gift cards. This is the response we got:
 "I need you to send me the names and phone numbers of the winners so I can approve them before you contact anyone."

Approve them?! This was a random drawing and we carefully verified that all of the entrants met the three qualifications for entry. What is there to approve? Now, we know that the Hutt does not personally like one of the entrants, but that's no reason to cheat that person out of the prize that is rightfully theirs.

And that, friends is why the goose is, once again, after the Hutt.

Opie Redux

Apparently it is Opie week here at Falling Down the Death Stare. We have one more story about this ridiculous person to share with you.

As we were leaving Tartarus today, Opie and Spoof were headed in the same direction through the parking lot. Spoof watched Opie wander up and down the aisles for a while. Opie then came over to Spoof and the following interaction occured:

Opie: I can't find my car.

Spoof: That's too bad. I don't know where you parked.

Opie: You don't know where it is?

Spoof: No. I haven't seen it.

Opie: I looked everywhere. Well, I'm sure it will be okay. I can always call my roommate to help me find it.

Spoof: Whatever.


Now what you need to know is that there are two parking lots available to Tartarus employees. More than likely, Opie's car was in the other lot. Opie did not look in the second lot. Opie only spent a few minutes searching the first lot. Walking away, Spoof saw Opie on the phone, we can only imagine calling the poor roommate.

This is the person that the Hutt trusts to take on every responsibility that pops up at work. A person who can't open a door or find a car.


We ask you, who is dumber: Opie or the Hutt who thinks Opie can do no wrong.

Opie is the best, apparently

And how was your day?

Spoof:

 

Speck: I hate absolutely everyone.

No kidding folks. It's days like today that led us to give our workplace the following nicknames:

     1. Tartarus
     2. Sheol
     3. Avici (this roughly translates as eternal suffering)


It also leads us to make things like this:

We call them "Spongebob Deadpants"

 
 Worst of all, we have to go back again tomorrow.



 

Opie gets everything

Remember Opie from yesterday's post? The one who can't open a door? Yeah, that's the one. We thought today we'd tell you more about Opie.

The fact is, Opie is the favored one. What Opie wants, Opie gets. And Opie wants everything. Opie runs five programs every month, the most of anyone. Spoof and Speck together run three. Additionally, Opie maintains the business web site (having absolutely no qualifications in web design and maintanance) and is now getting training to run some more time consuming programs. Speck is hardly allowed to use the business Facebook page. Not to mention that only Opie has permission to use work time to work on a personal blog.  

Honestly, we aren't exaggerating at all. Opie is even the only one who gets any praise from the Hutt. Even when Opie screws up the Hutt has nothing but good things to say. We're sick of it but the Hutt won't see it and doesn't care. 

Opie wins again!

Of doorknobs and coffee pots

Imagine with us for a moment. Your walking around carrying a coffee pot in one hand and a water bottle in the other. Suddenly you come to a closed door. You need to go into the room on the other side of the door. What do you do?

What a quandary this is.

There are many correct answers to that question. Let's list a few:
   1. Set down the water bottle. Turn the knob.
   2. Set down the coffee pot. Turn the knob.
   3. Tuck the water bottle under your arm. Turn the knob.

You know what doesn't work? Trying to turn the knob with the coffee pot. Who even tries to do that? Our coworker Opie, that's who. What is going on in Opie's mind that the coffee pot seemed like the best answer to the problem? We shouldn't be surprised. Opie also thought that it was normal for the elevator to stop with the door open about three inches. Opie seems to have a real problem with doors.

Can't turn a doorknob

Apparently also can't turn a doorknob

Why you gotta be so mean?

You know it's going to be bad when the boss comes at you looking like this:

Bear in mind, when this happened to your friends Spoof and Speck this morning, we'd been at work for ten minutes. What can you do to piss off your boss in ten minutes? The Hutt proceeded to bawl us out for something that hadn't even happened yet and which received full approval on Friday.

Now, the Hutt did make some valid points but there was certainly no need to be nasty about it. This, friends, the the bulk of our complaint. You can be angry. You can scold people. There are ways to do that without making your employees feel like complete crap.

And that's why going to work every day feels like this: