It's Mo Monday

Out for a walk this weekend we spied what we believe to be an old drain pipe sticking out of a hillside. Mo was instantly intrigued. He insisted that it looked like a victim screaming. After investigating the hole that served as it's mouth...

He immediately climbed up on it's hand to declare his triumph over it.

We have to admit, the thing looks terrified.

We're sharpening our pencils

We always think things can't get worse. And then they do.

Yesterday we told you about the creep, Mr. Ed. We have another story about him today.

Today we were scheduled to have an event at Tartarus. Projected attendance for the event was beyond the allowed capacity of our event space so we decided to hold the event on the main floor (this happens occasionally). At the same time as our event, there was also a scheduled meeting and a small group. Mr. Ed decided that the meeting could happen in our event space, since it would not be occupied. This left just the small group to place. Now, if we had been in charge we'd probably have told the group that they needed to find another place. We were all booked. No one else saw it that way. 

Of course not

Mr. Ed told them they could meet in an open area of the second floor. The only problem with this plan: that open area is essentially an open balcony that looks out on the area where we were having our event. Our event was a little bit loud. So was the small group.
 

Cause hearing another conversation when you're trying to pay attention isn't at all annoying.

This all would have been a minor annoyance if it weren't for Mr. Ed. Mr. Ed was very concerned about the small group. He was afraid that our event was interrupting the group. We actually heard him apologize to them at one point. We were never afforded this courtesy. Now, everything at Tartarus comes down to numbers. What events get the largest attendance? The small group: 8 people. Our event: nearly 200. So we ask you, which group should have taken precedence?

It makes us feel very stabby

 

Who doesn't love a secret

We may have previously mentioned, Tartarus has serious communication issues. No one ever tells anyone else what is going on. It's like the whole place is built on secrets and lies. 

And it's bound to fall down on us some day

And we all complain about the secrets. The loudest complaints come from a coworker we'll call Mr. Ed. Mr. Ed seems to think that the Hutt and Shoes have created some conspiracy to never tell him (specifically him, even if no one else knows what Mr. Ed doesn't know) anything. We hear this complaint from him weekly. He's also been known to bring up past incidents of not knowing constantly.

Now, previously we felt sorry for Mr. Ed. It did seem on occasion like people were intentionally excluding him from the flow of information. Then, this week, both Shoes and the Hutt went away for a few days. While they were away Mr. Ed was given some additional responsibilities (like snitching) of which he seemed inordinately proud. We overheard part of a conversation during which Mosquito told Mr. Ed about something that was going on this morning, something that might potentially affect all of us. Mr. Ed then failed to tell ANYONE about what Mosquito had told him. We thought perhaps, given his sensitivity to knowing what is going on, Mr. Ed might be better at communicating. Clearly we were wrong.

We'd like to punch that horsey face

 

I vant to suck your blood

It's time once again for Stuff Out of Context!

Today's line is: 
I usually get vampire bites on my hands.

 

Yes, those are vampire bites. You try drawing blood with just a black marker.

She's gonna get ya

Before Christmas, we introduced you to our friend Lil' Kelly. She of the Santa hat and pencil for stabbing. Now that it's summer, Lil' Kelly certainly can't be wearing a Santa hat. No, she has a new costume.

And now the explanation, because we are well aware that this outfit is impossible for the outside observer to understand. Up on her head is a coonskin cap. In her right hand, sort of hanging off of that pumpkin, is a muzzle. and the awesomeness she holds in her left hand is a wand. For rabies. Yes, you read that right. A rabies wand. To give people rabies. We'd explain further, but we fear that would be a lost cause. Best to just appreciate the rabies wand without question.


 

It's Mo Monday!

You take your elderly grandmother to see the sights. Her Bed and Breakfast (because you wouldn't put granny in some crummy motel, would you) isn't fully modernized so there's no elevator. They have one of those chair lifts instead. But when you go to help her onto the lift you realize it's already occupied. By a homicidal squirrel.

That's not for you, Mo. Not for you.

Not even our grandmothers are safe from Mo's rampage.

Mistakes were made

The other day, we were both away from Tartarus. Today, we heard all about the problems that happened while we were gone. Shoes was meant to cover the desk during lunches since the place was short-handed. Shoes never showed up, we were told. At first we felt really bad for everyone. "Shame on Shoes," we said. Then we heard the whole story. It goes kind of like this.

Lunch started and Shoes was nowhere in sight. "Go ahead and go," Opie said to Mr. Ed (new character - more on that later). 
"Don't you have a program after lunch, Opie," asked Mr. Ed. "I better stay. You go."
"It's fine," said Opie. "I'm sure Shoes will be along any second."
"If you're sure," said Mr. Ed. Then he left.

Error #1

Opie waited through the whole lunch. "Poor Opie," said Mr. Ed when he told us this story. "Opie had to end lunch early to start that program on time."

"Hold on a second," we said. "Why didn't you call Shoes?"

"We didn't know which office to call," said Mr. Ed.

"There's like four offices. It would take you maybe two minutes to call them all," we said.

"We never know where to find Shoes," repeated Mr. Ed.

"Did anyone even try finding Shoes," we tried again.

"I felt so bad for Opie," Mr. Ed said.

Error #2

Now, don't get us wrong. Shoes shoulders some blame. Shoes was supposed to be somewhere and didn't bother to show. This is a problem. Still, our sympathy for the others has entirely vanished.

We weep for humanity