Bow, peasants!

Attention citizens! This blog is now under the control of the Murlhaug! Resistance is futile. The Murlhaug does as he pleases. Do as the murlhaug does. Bask in his awesomeness. The murlhaug is too awesome for you.

 

Somehow the murlhaug is too awesome for the rest of society.

The Further Adventures of Spoof and Speck

How do these people even get hired?

We hear a lot of stupid stuff throughout the course of the day, but when we heard this one, we knew we had to share it with you. 

One of our genius coworkers, looking for a phone number, was frustrated when the website for the business in question was down for maintenance. Someone pointed out that he could use the phone book. (and can we just say how sad it is that he never even thought of the phone book.) After ten minutes of flipping through the yellow pages with no success, in spite of knowing the exact name and location of the company, this fellow declared "phone books are hard" and went back to trying to make the website work. 

Let's say that one more time, in case you missed it.
Phone books are hard.

See. Very tricky.

 
We suppose we shouldn't be too surprised. This is the same guy who stands behind the desk, strokes his chin, and points at various things for about five minutes, every day at closing. Every. Single. Day. Like he has to be sure that the computers haven't gone anywhere.

 

It's Mo Monday!

We're not entirely sure what's happening here. That appears to be Mo hiding inside that banana costume. Is this just Mo showing a more playful side? Or could it be something more insidious?

You have to admit, he's pretty cute here

Jimmy Duck wonders

There are many things at Tartarus don't make sense. Take the suggestion box. For the past two years we've had a suggestion box tucked on the back of a cabinet where no one can see it. Shoes and the Hutt frequently complain that no one uses it. Apparently they've decided to blame the box. Today they put up a second box, also in a hard to see place. That's not even the weirdest part. Both of those boxes are locked. They are the only ones who have access. Why in the name of the Great Gazoo do the boxes have to be locked? Are they afraid someone is going to steal all of the comments?

The comments are mine! Mine! All mine!

 

A sign of the times

We know we complain a lot about the Hutt on here. We would argue, though, that you'd be hard pressed to prove that we are being unreasonable. Take what happened today, bearing in mind that this sort of thing happens on a daily basis at Tartarus.

One of Spider Hero's duties during the week is maintaining a sign board of events in our building. When we passed him today he was changing the board. The new message was about a program Muffin is having, one of three programs in series run by Muffin and your friends Spoof and Speck. "Um," we said, "why aren't you putting anything up about the other programs in the series."

Poor Spider Hero sighed. "The Hutt told me I needed to put something up just about Muffin's program. That I should leave yours off."

We are incensed! We are sick of Muffin being treated like something incredibly special while we are the bottom of the garbage pile. And we're especially sick of no one doing anything about it. (Though Spider Hero did adjust the sign for us)

We've got a sign for you, Hutt.

 

Wonder what you're sucking

Who doesn't love Stuff Out of Context? This is a good one.

Today's line is: Then suck the tube for a while afterwards?

 

The Amazing Weather Predictor

Like much of the northern United States, Tartarus has been experiencing a particularly rough winter. Several times this winter there has been question as to whether or not we should open in the morning. This used to be a simple process. The Hutt would check the National Weather Service, Facebook posts from the local police department, and a visual from the road outside it's house. This no longer seems to be the case. Any time a storm is coming we have the following conversation.

     Random worker: Bad storm coming tomorrow. Maybe we'll have a snow day.

     Shoes: I don't think so. I'm sure Squirrel can bring me in.

     Worker: What about the rest of us?

     Shoes: -cricket chirping-

We only seem to close if Squirrel thinks it's too dangerous to drive. We can only conclude that Squirrel is some kind of mystical weather predictor. Squirrel is like the groundhog: if it sees it's shadow, we have to go to work.

 

No snow day for you, Spoof and Speck

It's Mo Monday!

Imagine you're at your local library, browsing the stacks, looking for a good book.

No fear of sticking your hand in there, right?

Look twice before you grab for that novel, friends. You might be reaching for your own doom. Look closely at that top shelf.

Look at that evil little face

 Mo is just waiting for you to reach recklessly into his lair.

What a set up

Just a quick story for you today. We were passing out some candy today at Tartarus and approached a group of our coworkers. 

Us: Hey, would any of you like a Dum-Dum?

Opie: What's a dum dum?

You would be very proud of us. We didn't laugh, just offered the lollipops again.

But inside, we looked like this:

You, Opie. You are a dumdum!

 

Ah. This again.

Remember last week's phone call to make a phone call ? We thought nothing could beat that for stupidity. Today gave it a run for it's money.

Recently, we witnessed a coworker dealing with a very difficult patron. Our coworker not only listened to the whack-a-doodle's complaints, she offered the woman two solutions to her problem. The patron not only left mollified, she apologized for yelling. It was impressive. Today, we told our coworker how impressed we were and how we appreciated her. Nice sweet story right?

So sweet, makes you want to barf.

Here's where it gets stupid. Shoes was standing nearby as we had this conversation. "I observed that and another, similar, situation," said Shoes. Notice there isn't a "good job, nameless staff person" in that comment. Just an acknowledgement of the situation. If that weren't bad enough, later we encountered Shoes in the staff area. "I really appreciate the way you showed your appreciation for a coworker like that," said Shoes. "It's important that we show support for each other."

This is probably what we looked like when Shoes was talking.

Seriously? I appreciate your appreciation? What is wrong with these people?

New Feature time!

Friends, we know you all enjoy our awesome (if sometimes creepy) paintings done on magazine pages. We enjoy them too. We are taking a brief magazine hiatus, though. Don't be too sad; the hiatus is happening so we can bring you a new comic strip.

Speck: I think we should call it "The Further Adventures of Spoof and Speck"

Spoof: That doesn't make sense. We haven't had original adventures. How can we have further adventures?

Speck: Yeah, I just like how it sounds.

Spoof: You are bizarre.

Speck: Why, thank you. You are too kind.

Spoof: Just show the comic. Weirdo. 

The Further Adventures of Spoof and Speck

That's Spoof with the mallet.

 

It's Mo Monday!

We've seen Mo in a lot of menacing situations. We're not sure to make of this one. On the one hand, this might just be a squirrel and a skunk playing together. That would be the best possible situation and if it were any other squirrel we would be inclined to think that. Where this is Mo, we can't help but wonder if he is training that skunk to serve as his beast of burden, to carry him around on his mission to consume all of mankind.

After them, Stinker!

Say cheese!

Staff photo day is always an interesting one at Tartarus. It is a weird enough experience we felt the need to illustrate it for you. 

So, Spoof and Speck Present: Picture day at Tartarus

 

Because that's sensible

In the time that we've worked at Tartarus, and especially in the time that we've been blogging, we've heard a lot of ridiculous things from our coworkers. What happened today may just be the dumbest of the dumb.

Like a lot of places, we've been getting a considerable amount of snow lately. Today they were predicting a rather nasty storm. Speck, who was scheduled to work a later shift, received this phone call about mid-morning.

We should be glad they made an actual phone call.

Co-worker: Speck, we need you to call in to Tartarus before you leave your house today.
Speck: Huh?
Co-worker: I'm calling you to tell you to call us before you come in. We'll tell you then whether you should come in or not. We might close early.
Speck: Are you kidding me? I have to call you? Why don't you just call me if you're going to close?
Co-worker: No, we need you to call here.

Now, Speck has a pretty short commute, so while it was idiotic it wasn't a big deal. Some of the others we work with have a bit of a drive. Spacey called as instructed right before leaving for Tartarus only to be told they didn't know yet and to wait ten minutes and call back, guaranteeing that Spacey would be at least fifteen minutes late for work.

As if that all weren't stupid enough, listen to what happened later. Spoof called Speck at the appointed time to say "don't come in."
"So, when are you closing," asked Speck.
"No, idea," said Spoof. "The Hutt won't tell us."

Did that really just happen?

 

When did you shave?

Ah, the fun that is Stuff out of Context. This one is a personal favorite of ours. In fact, we've used it several times. The line:
     
That's a lie with no squirrel beard.

Wonder what a squirrel mustache would look like

Drop and give me twenty

Twenty math problems, maybe.

We came up with a new business idea for your approval. We call it:

The Spoof and Speck Don't Be Stupid Boot Camp

This fellow needs boot camp

Sessions run 6 weeks to 6 months, depending on the level or sheer moronitude the subject is displaying. (And yes, we know moronitude isn't a real word. We don't care. It sounds good) During your time at Camp we'll teach you:

     How to answer phones

     Sensible conversation

     Knowing when to shut up

     Writing signs that make sense

     Jokes- funny or lame?

and so much more.

Work with a whole bunch of idiots? The Spoof and Speck Don't Be Stupid Boot Camp has special group rates. So, sign up the dum-dums in your life today.

You will be smart!

 

It's Mo Monday!

What's better on a cold winter night than a roaring fire in your fireplace? Good luck starting one here.

Mo says NO!

Guess we'll just wrap up in extra blankets and drink hot cocoa instead. Curse you Mo and your territorial nature.