If you have a weak stomach you may wish to rejoin us tomorrow

We have discovered that the co-worker we call Turtle is aptly named. Consider the following story.

This week Shoes brought a desert to our staff meeting, a cheese danish style treat. While we watched, Turtle ate 7 of the 16 servings.
Curious, we looked up the recipe for this desert. It includes 2 tubes of crescent rolls and 2 packages of cream cheese (along with sugar, eggs, that kind of thing).

Doesn't everyone eat an entire tube of crescent rolls with a block of cream cheese in under 30 minutes?

Now, you're probably asking yourselves what any of this has to do with turtles. Recent research has taught us that some pet turtles will eat themselves to death given constant access to food. This seems like a real possibility for Turtle.

Not running with scissors

In which Spoof and Speck are too scary to talk to

Join us in a thought experiment. You are at work. You need to ask a question of one of your co-workers. For whatever reason you cannot walk up to the person and ask the question. Do you:
 A) Train a mouse or a cockroach to deliver messages and send it down to ask the person.
B) Become a psychic and psychically send the question and "read" the answer
C) Call a different co-worker who has no connection to the situation to ask the first one your question.
D) Call the person you actually need to talk to.

Easy answer, right? One would think, but not in the Mosquito's world. Apparently the mosquito thinks it is best to call Mr. Ed with a question for Spoof and Speck.

As if this were not dumb enough, Mr. Ed answered the question for us. 

It's Mo Monday!

Have you seen the previews for Annabelle yet? (Here's a link if you haven't. Go ahead. We'll wait.) It seems Mo has seen them and they went straight to his head. He's determined to find his own haunted doll to join him in his rein of terror. He hasn't succeeded yet but we fear it is only a matter of time.

Not this one Mo.

Plague of the Day

Today Plague was sporting: an over-sized black and white patterned cowl necked sweater (with a drawstring at the waist), a snake skin patterned petal skirt (and yes we know the drawing makes it look plaid. Lay off. Snake skin is hard to draw), black tights, and high faux-suede boots with weird and useless straps.

Staplers. Again.

We thought there couldn't possibly be any more stapler stories coming out of Tartarus. We told you about the long discussion about where to put a stapler. We told you about the labels on the staplers. What else could happen related to staplers (other than one of our favorite past times - opening up a stapler and seeing how far we can shoot the staples). Today our coworkers proved us wrong.

Who knew staplers were so complex

A patron approached the Neppy at the desk. "Do you have a stapler I can borrow," said the woman.


"Ah yes," said Neppy, plucking a particular stapler from the desk drawer. "This is the special lending stapler. The others do not move from the desk."

Are you kidding, Neppy? It's bad enough that you have a "lending stapler". You certainly don't need to tell the patrons about it. Talk about stupid.

What is wrong with you?

That's a bad way to get a tan

Today we bring you a very special edition of Stuff Out of Context. For the very first time, we have a conversation out of context. 

The lines are:

I found the guy's legs.
Oh, the one that was in the toaster?