PSAs - Your thoughts

The following are the alternate meanings of PSA we've collected over the past month.

Psychic Squirrel Association
Probably Something Asinine
Pink Spotted Anteaters
Poseable Sausage Arm
Potentially Serious Advice
Pot Smoker's Academy
Pathetic Secret Agent
Paul Seems Abnormal
Polly Says Ahoy
People Shaving Armpits
Perfectly Spoken Address
Psychotically Scream "Argghh"
Peas Sprout Abundently
People Squashing Arachnids
Probe Somebody, Aliens
Please Speak Arabic
Putrid Slimy Artichokes
Paranoid Schizophrenics Arrive
Pimply South American
Pancake Sound Amazing
Proserpina Safitziwitz Anderson
Peabrain Sandicap Academy
Proper Shopping Attire
Pretty Stupid Americuh
Prickly Sock Alliance

So, that's our list. If you have any more you'd like to add just let us know in the comments.

New Feature - Stuff out of context

Sometimes the stuff we say is inherently funny. It's even funnier when you hear it out of context. So, we've been writing down the funny things we say on a daily basis. We've drawn pictures to go along with them, interpreted without the original context.

Here's the first one for you today. 

The line: Did you know your bathtub is wrinkly?

Do you think an iron would help?

 

Today, we draw portraits

This little sketch is how we view our boss, the Hutt. We are told the facial expression is spot on for the Hutt's everyday look. We tried to draw the death stare but even as a doodle it was too powerful.

"Nothing you do is right, Spoof and Speck"

Are there any other characters you'd like us to draw? Let us know in the comments.

What's with the Hutt and money?

Several weeks ago, we sent the Hutt an email, asking for money to purchase supplies for an event. When we finally got a response, a full half a day later, it was nasty.

"It doesn't work that way anymore," growled the Hutt. "You can't just have money without proof. Don't you know I have to shop for you?"

Seeing as you've never told us...

Now, shoes and the Hutt have been been hinting all summer that something is going to be different about our purchasing procedures. They've never said exactly what. Apparently they've picked secrecy as their management style. So no, we didn't know that we couldn't buy our own supplies anymore.

Trying to be good employees, though, we apologized for not knowing something we've never been told. Then we made a detailed shopping list (we're talking exact product name, color, quantity, and expected price) and emailed it to the Hutt. Then we waited.

Nothing. No supplies. No mention of the list. 

Finally, three days before our event we were frantic. We resolved to speak to the Hutt that very morning. At our weekly staff meeting the Hutt finally noticed mention of our event on the list of topics. "Oh, I have to go shopping tonight," it said. "Hee hee."

We are not amused.

The story does not end there. The next day, the Hutt brings us several bags. The price on a few items had changed. The Hutt bought too many of one item and the wrong variety of another. And there was no poster board, something we specifically needed. "Oh, that's still in my car," said the Hutt. "It was too heavy to bring in this morning." 

Poster board. Too heavy.  

This stuff must weigh a thousand pounds.

I have a name. Honest.

Ever get bored at work?

Not us. Nope. Never.

Some people get on Facebook. Some play games. Some people even look at porn. Spoof and Speck prefer to mess with people. We like to call this "social experiments."

We've done a number of experiments in the last few years, with varying degrees of success. Our all time favorite, though, involves Speck and a patron we'll call Ken. Ken is one of those people who wants to know everything about you. He's constantly trying to engage people in long conversations. He tried to do acupressure on an employee once. 

It got to the point that Ken knew the name of pretty much every employee at Tartarus. Everyone but Speck.

We made it into a game. To start out, Spoof called Speck over to "help" Ken with something. "I bet Speck can help you. Hey Speck. What do you think, Speck?" Spoof probably used the name Speck five times in that short conversation. And every time we saw Ken after that.

It took almost three weeks. Three weeks during which Ken said "hey" to or ignored Speck, even resorting to using nicknames on two occasions. 

This is one of our evidences that Speck has the power of invisibility. 

Maybe you should have a water instead

You're wandering around town, starting to feel a little thirsty. Suddenly, you spot a drink machine. You feel around in your pockets. You're in luck! You have just enough change for an ice cold Pepsi. Perfection, right? 

Not so fast, bucko. Take a closer look at the dispensing chute on that machine.

That's not a Mountain Dew.

So, let that be a lesson to you. Always look before you reach. The unwary could loose a finger to that clever, vicious squirrel.

Just a reminder

In case you've forgotten or are new to our blog, we wanted to remind you that you have just one more week to share your meaning for the acronym PSA. Not sure what we're talking about? Check out this post. We'll share our favorite response here on the blog on the 30th.

Check this out

You knew that your friends Spoof and Speck are hilarious and that we are artists. What you don't know is that we also write songs.

Today we thought we'd share a song about our favorite animal, Rabid Mo.


Rabid Mo  (sing to the tune of "Girls just want to have fun")

     Oh Rabid Mo scampered up in a tree     He danced on a branch, rubbed his paws with glee
     That Rabid Mo, you know he's only begun
     He spends the day just having fun
     That Rabid Mo just wants to have fun

     He's in the trees
     In the breeze
     He'll play all day under the sun
     That squirrel just wants to have fun
     Rabid Mo he wants to have fun

    I go home 'cause it's getting late
    Don't realize I've just sealed my fate
    I cry for mercy that squirrel shows me none
    The violence has only begun
    Rabid Mo he wants to have fun

    He's on my face
    Takes a taste
    You know that rabid squirrel has won
    He'll eat me and he thinks it's fun
    Rabid Mo, he's gotta have fun
    He wants to have fun
    He's gotta have fun



Hope you enjoyed our song.

Mo is thrilled to have a song about himself.

 

Oh, Opie. You've done it again

You read that right. It's another Opie post. 

Wait until you hear what Opie did this time.

So, a customer is paying a bill. The total comes to $4.05. "Oh," says the customer, "I don't have any ones, but here's a five and a nickel."

Math quiz time: What change do you give this person?

Easy, right?

Tell that to Opie.

Opie reaches into the drawer and pulls out a dollar bill and a nickel. We give this customer credit. She tried to return the nickel. Opie was having none of that. Insisted that the nickel was the customer's. She eventually rolled her eyes and left.

Yes, Opie. You win again.

Mo's new look

As promised, today we bring you a whole new series of Mo photos. Hopefully, you will enjoy seeing them as much as we enjoyed taking them.


See that, parade-goers? Obey the sign or Mo will come after you.

He looks furious.

 

Can we get beans too?

We don't know about you, but our day could use a little pick-me-up. So we dug into our mental archives and pulled out this gem of a conversation Spoof once had with a customer's child. Let's call him BB, short for bear boy. (He carries two stuffed bears, one under each arm)


Spoof:This has been fun, but I have to go back to the desk now.

BB: Why?

Spoof: Because I have to work.

BB: Why?

Spoof: Because it's my job.

BB: Why?

Spoof: So I can get paid.

BB: Oh, so you can buy hot dogs?

Spoof: Sure. Hot dogs.

The whole reason people work, apparently

Sure. Why not. Go ahead and blame me.

Remember how on Friday we said we thought the Hutt was losing it's mind. We don't think that any more. We're sure of it.

Sure like Mario is about saving the Princess

Spoof handles some ordering for Tartarus. One of the companies we order from is set up on an auto-order system. Were you ever in one of those book clubs as a kid? The kind where you get a catalog and they automatically send you a preselected book unless you fill out a card telling them otherwise? (Doubleday and Book-of-the-Month club come to mind) It's kind of like that.

The thing is, Spoof never auto-orders. The preset order rarely suits what we need in a given month. This month, as always, Spoof canceled the auto-order and picked out what to get this month. It just so happened that the custom order almost exactly matched the auto-order.

Weird, right?

This should not be a big deal. In fact, we thought it was a good sign. The Hutt flipped out. Said the Hutt in the nastiest possible tone, "If you're not going to take this job seriously I'm just going to have to take the responsibility away from you." 

It turns out, the invoice indicated that it was auto-ordered. The rep at the ordering company made an error. She's new. She even sent the Hutt and Spoof and email apologizing for the confusion. 

Did the Hutt acknowledge this? Of course not. Instead the Hutt spent the rest of the day stumping around, glaring at us.

Definitely been a few of these faces made behind the Hutt's back

Someone call the men in white coats

We think the Hutt has lost it's mind. 

It's a lot like this at Tartarus lately

Our city is hosting a big event this weekend. Higher-ups are expecting a lot of tourists. It is apparently a huge deal. 

Today, the Hutt comes stomping down the stairs and proceeds to scream at Spider Hero. His crime? Failing to change our sign along the road to welcome tourists to town. The problem is, no one told him to change the sign. Apparently this was no excuse.

To make matters worse, Shoes later admitted to forgetting to tell Spider Hero about the need to change the sign. Of course, Shoes refused to either apologize to Spider Hero or admit the error to the Hutt. 

So, Spider Hero remains in the dog house along with us. Having done absolutely nothing wrong.

Poor Spider Hero

And that's why the Hutt is, once again, being hunted by the murder goose.

 

Will we ever learn?

Since fall is almost upon us, we thought it would be nice to have some fall themed activities for kids who come to Tartarus. We picked some leaves and this apple:

Easy, right?

With time issues, we decided to have Newton do some prep work for us. Remembering the firefly incident, we thought it best to leave very detailed directions.

We left this list:
     1. Trace "a"s on white paper
     2. Cut leaf shapes from dark green paper
     3. Cut red, yellow, green, and lime papers into small squares
     4. If you're unsure of anything, just check the picture or ask one of us

Plus, we left a copy of the above photo and even gave verbal directions to Newton.

This is what we got:

While there were other squares, we didn't want any dark green

These leaves are the wrong shade of green, though perhaps we could have worked with them                                                                                       

These are most definitely not green.

And in what universe do apple leaves look anything like this?

So firstly, shame on Newton for this abysmal interpretation of directions. And shame on us for expecting anything better.
 

What's the point

When Spoof arrived at the main desk today, there was a huge mess. Newton, who was scheduled to volunteer first thing this morning, never showed up. The Mosquito, who was working the desk at that point, did not do any of that work. The Mosquito could also have called either of us to the main desk to handle the extra work. Clearly, that did not happen. Spoof had a few thing to get settled, then intended to handle the extra work.

Then, along came the Hutt.

Looking at the mess and at Spoof like this.

This was their conversation:
   Hutt: Looks like you have quite a lot of work to do here.
   Spoof: Yup. I didn't know Newton didn't come today. Nothing got done this morning. Maybe the Mosquito should have told me.
   Hutt: It's not up to the Mosquito to tell you. You need to do a better job of getting those things done. Don't leave things for Newton.

(At this point, Spoof, who had been trying to stay calm, lost it)


   Spoof: You're only saying that because you like the Mosquito. I should have been told. Are you saying we shouldn't leave any work for Newton anymore?
   Hutt: If you can't handle it, I guess not. *
   Spoof: Then what's the point of Newton even coming here?

And all the Hutt did was glare at Spoof for another minute, then stomp away.

As always, of course, this conversation didn't begin with a reasonable tone of voice. The Hutt started out growling at Spoof and ended up yelling.

Can't. Contain. Rage.

*Specks note - When Spoof told me this I said 'what does that mean'. We can't figure it out

Another Mo sighting

Friends, be warned. Fall is almost here and that means that squirrels are stocking away their food. For most squirrels this is cute, but when it comes to Rabid Mo, that means we're all in dangers.

 

 

That could be your finger in his mouth.

Notes: Rabid Mo sightings will have a new look, coming soon. Also, posts are now tagged with character names as well as post types.

Who needs rules

Tartarus has a book club for kids. When the club was founded, the staff person in charge decided to restrict the club to 4th and 5th graders. Staffing changed and eventually, the Mosquito ended up in charge of the club. For the first year everything went as planned. 

Yay! Reading's fun!

The next year, a younger sibling wanted to come. The Mosquito saw no problem changing the rule. So, then we had a 3rd through 5th grade book club. More recently, kids who are now in middle school have been allowed to stay in the book club and we've heard rumor that the Mosquito would also like to start a picture book club for preschool through 2nd grade. There is no end to it. We are convinced that eventually there will be a club open to anyone and everyone. So, we created this poster.

 

Read that as "womb-age"

After all, we wouldn't want to exclude anyone.

Spoof and Speck

We thought now was a good time to tell you a little about how we got our names.


Spoof: When something really ticks you off, you have a couple of choices. You can scream and have a tantrum and just generally treat people like they are worthless. (This is the road the Hutt takes.) I prefer to look for the humor in a situation. I'd rather laugh than scream. So, I give people weird nicknames, draw caricatures, and otherwise mock ridiculous situations. 

Speck: So, you're familiar with Star Wars, right? (If not, shame on you) I'm sure you recognize the Hutt (as in "Jabba the Hutt"). You may not know Salacious Crumb. 

Yeah, that little rat guy.

If the boss is Jabba, I might as well be a speck on the tip of one of Salacious Crumb's pointy ears. That's how the Hutt seems to think of me. That far beneath it's notice.

Time for a logic lesson

The following is a transcript of today's Hutt conversation as best as we can remember it.


Hutt: You'll need to handle most of Opie's desk responsibilities for the next couple of weeks. 

Spoof: We have some things that need to get done.

Hutt: They will have to wait.

Speck: Some of it is kind of important.

Hutt: That's too bad. What Opie does is more important.


Now, had this been a discussion rather than an edict we probably could have come to a reasonable compromise. Instead, Opie will be getting full days away from the desk probably four days out of five. Your friends Spoof and Speck will have to split one day.

So, now we'd like to follow the Hutt's reasoning to it's logical conclusion.

Everything Opie does is important -> Nothing Spoof and Speck do is important -> Spoof and Speck do not matter

We can only conclude that the Hutt views us as some kind of lower life form. 

What Speck?

So today the Hutt calls the main desk and scolds Spoof for not having done something yet. Spoof says "there's only two people at the desk right now but Speck will be back in like half an hour. I can do it then."

Reasonable yes?

The Hutt says "Who?"

Says Spoof, "You know. Speck."

The Hutt comes back with "Speck?"

At this point, Spoof is barely holding it together. There's a moment of silence on the phone before the Hutt finally says "when's the Mosquito coming back? I miss the Mosquito." 

Seriously?!

Spoof: We are dumbfounded
Speck: Blown away
Spoof: Flabbergasted
Speck: Yes. Our flabbers are completely gasted.
Spoof: Okay, stop
Speck: Sorry


So, again, the Hutt finds itself stalked by the murder goose.

This. Is. Awesome.

We have not awesome stories to tell you today, since Tartarus is closed. Instead we thought we'd share one of our favorite music videos for your entertainment.

 

Enjoy and Happy Labor Day.